† -=Blood=- //\\// -=Rose=- †

2011-07-04T03:08:00.003+08:00

my mind has been chaotic these couple days, after i met her again. i thought i got over her completely, but after our dinner and little catch up, i just felt horrible. there's no specific horrible, just.. low and beat up. though it isn't heartbreak, it sure means the foresight of a staling friendship. i mean, other than lab during the 6 weeks, there really isn't anything else we can talk about. She's only 13 months older than me, and her lifestyle is like.. one or two phases above what i'm in now. bars, holidays and things fancy, whereas i'm still in a phase where she would go 'been there, done that. tell me smth more interesting.' or so i presume she would.
just on saturday, we were texting about where i was and where she was. i was manning a carnival booth and she had to OT at work, i asked whether after that, wanna go catch up. i dunno what the hell was wrong with ME, i felt 'done' and quite ticked when in the end we weren't meeting, though i said 'it's totally fine if you dun wanna meet and chillax at home.', and i meant it! she said she wanted to go to the bar in mandarin hotel (i guess that's the 'm hotel' she mentioned) for a drink. maybe i was pissed cuz of that? she would go to a bar rather than catch up with a good ol' friend? but really, im not fun nor interesting as i used to be in her eyes, so i completely understand.

sigh. see? staling friendship. it's really sad.
i just deleted my FB account thanks to a stupid virus and i thought conveniently 'maybe this would put a little more space between us as well.'. then i was still unjustifiably mad at her. so unreasonable right? wth is wrong with me?! lol!
and then some 3 hours ago, when i re-read our SMS history of saturday cuz the thought 'why am i angry again?' popped in my head, to justify my anger. after reading it, i felt foolish to even be angry. though right now i get the sick feeling when thinking about her or anything related (which i tend to find manymany things relatable), which then again, i can't explain why. you know, i just wanna have the normal and not-care-so-much feeling you have with your long-lost buddy that u lost contact slowly. i really dun wanna go through this phase of 'realizing i'm losing someone and can't do nuts about it'.

between our friendship, i feel that i'm the one doing the work, sustaining it. though she said didn't want us to go where we're headed now, i feel that she's lost interest in that. maybe i'm thinking too much and getting myself sad and upset for no reason. yeah, very likely. :l

so anyway, just some 30 mins ago i googled 'should i delete text messages from my ex', and some 5 mins later, i deleted our entire history of SMSes. I think there were more than 2000 messages. The very first message i sent to her was 'Hi! :D' and she replied 'do i hav to entertain u after work hours too?'. hahaha.. It started from 21st March I think. I kept them all the way till some 38 mins ago. lengthy walls of text with meaningful material almost everyday. though there was a whole week of no text from either side cos of what i thought was a cold war between us.

sigh. i dunno la. i really wanna cry right now. i'm tearing already, actually. im in a complete mess. so i suppose, i haven't completely gotten over her which i thought i did. though i'm definitely not crazy over her as i was.

i guess our timeline of acquaintance happened like:

supervisor - ia student (2 days)
friends (3 days)
good friends (4 days)
best friends (7 days)
lovers, but never attached (approx 20 smth days)
friends with nth to say anymore (1.5months - 2months - current)

all in all, she's the one person who has given me the most much drama in my life. our friendship is like a very condensed phase of school.
we had heart-to-heart talks. we goofed around loads. we had meals. we had nice times. we had angry times, though really little. we had sad times.

my head is seriously like a train wreck now. a post-apocalyptic earth. the aftermath of a battlefield. i'm tired of all these involuntary thoughts. i wish i were put to sleep. i feel nauseous right now, along with all the thoughts that leads to an atomic explosion.

along with school work and such, i'm really in deep shit, cuz i can't focus. like as if i could. i have 3 outstanding formal reports and 1 assignment. tell me how? i seriously can't stop thinking about her, whether be it love or just a friendship i'm trying to save.

seriously lost, especially after i deleted all the messages with two taps on the screen. the thought of a new sms from her kinda makes me happy for some reason. and i'll be eager to read the message. and i'll be wishing the message was longer after reading it. meh, i guess it's time to move on. she's already done so ages ago.

2011-06-24T13:31:00.002+08:00

adulthood is scary. the scary thoughts of an uncertain future. and i don't mean monster scary, they're responsibilities, datelines, assignments, finance, relationships and the like, all against the things you desire. as you learn that the real world is more complicated than you think, u begin to question your ability.

this thinking has caused me much worry. my inability to study and finish up my assignments will be the cause of my abysmal academic results. and then the poor academics will lead to smth else in life.

am i worrying too much? should i just be thinking 'do whatever the best u can now'.
i mean, they always say 'plan your life ahead' right? and if things don't go according to plan?

i wish life was simpler.
or it's really me thinking too much.
i scared stiff, i know i won't graduate with a good diploma, now with my already-ruined GPA. and now, i still can't get myself to concentrate on my report, which i should be doing now, instead of contemplating on life.

what should i do? :l

2011-06-19T01:22:00.002+08:00

sometimes being english-speaking in a group of chinese-speakers is really hard. you can't fully express yourself and you tend to end up being quiet. it's rare to find people that truly understand you, to be able to read your mind. well, i met one person who was so like me, but i guess we were never meant to be. we think quite alike, yet we do very different things. from talking everyday about nothing, to just being facebook friends. it's really very sad, to see such great connection decay. :l

2011-06-17T00:14:00.003+08:00

It's been shit long since I've posted anything, mainly because i really didn't feel the need to. I Had someone to confide in for a short while. keyword: had. the other reason being that, well.. no one to read my blog posts and empathize with me, and a blog doesn't do that either. Sigh.

Sometimes I feel that in most close friendships, I'm the one who always have to compromise, and give way. always the one putting my pride aside to save the friendship. I've lost a close friend in secondary school because I wanted to go my own way. Actually, I don't really remember what we quarreled over, instead, I only remember the good times. I feel quite indebted to him, for those good times. That being said, I always feel that I'm the one always taking advantage of my friend, whether for real or not. I never seem to count the good things I do for my friends, yet I count the ones they do to me, hence, I owe them. Is it good to think this way? :l Don't know is it called thick skinned to even realize this.

I feel insignificant compared to my friends and seniors. Whenever I listen to their stories, be it an arc of events or just something over the weekend, I wish I was the one saying that instead. Like to just awe and inspire people like how they inspire me. That sense of enlightenment I feel when I think about the way my Ex-President does things, how come I'm not as good as her? Why am I so lazy and.. just not as great? Or.. say in an adventure camp. How the camp chiefs, group leaders etc. are so domineering and I seem to feel an aura of greatness around them. When I think about me, especially now since I'm President of my club, I just feel lousy. I feel that I'm a joke and am just struggling to perform duty. Even in my friends, I feel that most of them are better than me. If it's not grades (which is very unlikely), then it's financially or the way they do things or simply just a trait they have which I find commendable.

I admire my friends who can get a part time job and study at the same time. Okay, maybe they don't have commitment like I do, but I doubt I'll be doing likewise even if i didn't have commitment. Is this low self-esteem? I'm just very uncertain of myself.

Sigh. God help me. :l

2011-02-21T01:32:00.003+08:00

i wanna have the gothic look, a 'fine gentleman of the darkness'.

but i'm too hyperactive and sweaty and well.. i just can't take care of myself that much. hahahaha

2011-02-14T02:55:00.002+08:00

i think i really need to put aside presidency and wushu to focus on my studies.

each time before a test, studying the for it the night before, i keep telling myself i'll study earlier and harder in future. it never happened. seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? i keep telling myself to study, but it just doesn't ever fucking happens. and now, when all is too late, im just trying so desperately to cram it all inside but i kinda know i'll forget everything in the morning. i am such a piece of ruined shit. fuck this. fuck my complacency. fuck my lack of discipline. fuck my poor time management. fuck my last minuteness. fuck my fucks. ARRRRGHHHH FUCK THIS SHIT!

F.U.C.K.

2011-02-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

they say being a leader, you have to make wise decisions and listen to your followers.

what if the wise decision you make are not agreed by some of your followers, and they seem bent on not listening to you, what the hell are you supposed to do?

you would be labeled a 'bad leader' and lose your followers.
especially since when you come from a UG background, it's best to have everything in uniform or in proper order, rather than have things lying here and there, in which you have no information whatsoever of it. isn't this a big mess then?

ughhhh..

wish i had someone to confide in. you know what i mean.

2011-02-07T01:21:00.004+08:00

make sure the things you do today, won't be a point of regret in your life tomorrow.

i've always wished i did well in secondary school. sec 2 was the huge turning point of my good grades to bad grades. maths in particular.

then i slowly stopped talking to one of my best friends in sec 4, and i don't even remember what was it that we had a cold war over

sigh :l

now i wish i've spent more time studying in year 1, where the work load was totally nothing compared as to now, and that the materials you have to study aren't as difficult..

but then again, when you think about it, it was only easy then because you're studying more difficult stuff now. when you are in even higher learning, you'll think the current situation you're in is cakewalk

oh well

meaningless rambling :l

2010-12-30T02:14:00.002+08:00

i've been feeling like shit low emo for quite a while now. the kind where you wanna cut off all connections and shun yourself in a dark quiet place where no one can hear you cry.

thinking about it, it makes no sense. i wanna cut off connections, yet i want people to go like 'omg joel disappeared!' or smth like that. i didn't choose to want this.. er.. emotion thinger. it just.. argh i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. i wanna feel wanted, or needed. i suppose. is it a teenage-puberty-moodswing thing?

anyway, quite a bit happened after MSTs

in the first week of polidays (poly holidays), my environmental studies group had to go to west coast park to count the number of resident birds, study their behaviors and count their numbers, per species. we had to take readings at 7 in the morn and 6 in the evening.
after the morning takings, my group went to the mcdonalds while i threw my boomerang the first time in three years. yep, that boomerang has never flown until that day, since i got it three years back haha. came back only less than half the times i threw. lost touch with boomerang-throwing i suppose. it's been two years since i've thrown and the last time caused my old boomerang to go missing.. like a few others. hahahahaaaaaaa

when i went to mac, they were doing pbl and i was O_o-ed. shit. haha. i feel so useless. like the slacking-freeloading burden of the group. yup, freeloading and a burden. that's like double the uselessness. after a while, everyone gave up and we decided to watch a movie! went to Tiong and watched skyline. there was little storyline and more visuals.. and like how we're all gonna die.

went back and took readings at 5 instead of the supposed 6. i was against the idea as the readings would be inaccurate, but seeing how much as they wanna go home. oh what the heck.

and then that night

sing hai found wei xiang and i jobs as scholl shoe promoters throughout the weekends
throughout the 4 days working there, we felt like we're just doing CIP or it's just another one of those outings. i guess it's really the company of each of us that made us feel that way, without working with strangers.
after each day of promoting, which were 3 days, i did btwists at the entrance of the expo hall and had wei xiang record it for me! haha thanks! :)

-----

played dragonica throughout the second week. made an assassin and a gladiator, levels 34 and 22 respectively. it's no wonder i can't remember what i did in the past week (it's week 3, and last week of polidays now). see, the uselessness of games. i wish i spent all that time doing something more enriching, like self-training or at least something physical. argh. a good one would be my outstanding reports, which i've neglected until recently.

spent the christmas alone. literally alone. no one was home except myself and my two terrapins. they're in hiding as always and i was playing dragonica. could've went to a bar and hook up some chick instead. ....yeah right. haha
i felt completely like a loser-nolifer. staying at home on a festive day, on top of being a weekend evening! but that's what i do most of the time. i guess i am one then. :l other than training and playing computer (which i don't do so much now, but yet still do), i've.. really got nothing much to do. how do you get a life? hmm.. :l

---

this monday. went to marina barrage in the afternoon and met up with my sec sch friends. a friend got my indoor boomerang stuck up on a glass roof. he was all wtf while i was just.. whatever. and went to play kite hahahaha. after playing, then i attempted to get my boomerang down. in the end, the thing i tried to use to get my boomerang down also got stuck. and someone called a guy to come get it down for me with his ladder. i wouldn't have mind my boomerang getting stuck up there if the roof wasn't transparent. oh, and i brought konnyaku jelly for them too. harjeet's mum's spaghetti was off the roof. i swear it's the most delicious pasta i've ever eaten. seafood pasta (prawns and squid) with cream. mmm.. i want more dammit.

and then it was time to say goodbye, had to leave early for coach eugene's last training with us! ):
it's so fast.. i still remember quite clearly the first lesson he had with us (my batch at least). he made us swing our legs in all three directions a leg is capable of swinging. taught us lun shou, 'wheel hand' literally, fan yao 'flip waist' literally, the stances, the chuan zhang 'through palm (?)' lol.

and remember clearly, that he told me the secret.. well at least the words that made me think how to get my tornadoes landed on both feet, to go at 45deg instead of the ugly 90.

told me that for btwists, you need to get the left leg over the right leg in the twist, but i never manage to get that right.

told me that for tornadoes or lotuses, you need to use largely waist power to kick instead, so you can get the 720 kind. and that you gotta train it by kick-lifting your leg, putting it back down in front of you without touching the ground, and kicking from there again.

told us that for whatever movement you do, get the back straight up again. which lead me to this: a routine is a string of fundamentals in harmony. because from 'straight up' position allows you to transition to another movement with ease. like in a game, you call it animation cancel. whereby you cancel the unnecessary movement and get on with the next one.

taught me that you can add a stab during double liao dao.

what he taught us, i'll do my best to get them all in my head permanently.

i'm so gonna miss his unique style of training.
his ability to apply wushu moves effectively, the 'what's it for's

who else can i get someone to explain to me in english and its applications, for whatever wushu stuff i need answering?! T~T

after 'saluting' to him (which i swear the reception was more alive that day), we requested that he perform stuff for us to see. although he has forgotten his routines, he performed the basics and made up stuff on the spot.

like he always said: learning and practicing the basics are important whereas routine alone is useless, as routines can always be choreographed any old day.

we'll miss you coach!
-----

tuesday, went out with some of the wushu peeps for mind cafe, and viola! coach eugene was there! haha. was kinda surprised when i got the message. after the session, coach eugene secretly paid for us and went off first. then yilun called coach and we thanked him over the phone. we then went to eat at neither burger king nor shen..shel.. this 'S' place, but at aciaone, despite after a long period of deciding and 'but's. haha

then went home after that. and then yesterday became today. yeah. did nth much the whole day. went to mr chan's house. emptied his fridge of a grape yakult, and his wallet of a double samurai upsized haha! :)

then, started on my chem eng report (finally) and cut onions for my dad. played dragonica for a real-time-less-than-5-mins before 'forgetting about it'. played DMC3 a bit. not like it matters anyway. it's game. games don't matter.

listening to 星の砂 (hoshi no suna), Gritty Stars, by gackt. it's a 3/4 ballad in piano that makes you feel at peace. it's a love song that makes you feel at peace. at peace, not being you are with your loved one, but with no one. so it's a sad love song.

oh now it's 虚無の中で遊戯 (kyomu no naka de yuugi), It plays in the nothingness (?), by Malice Mizer, lol i have no idea what it means. something in something.. heh. it's a gothic song of pure aria and piano.

and now, it's 月の詩 (tsuki no uta), Song of the Moon, by Gackt also. it's a 3/4 ballad in acoustic guitar and it's the sister song of 星の砂. it's a song of how 'i'm missing you' and 'how much i want you' after separation. another sad song. in the MV, he's an android with it's arm stuck in debris in a post-apocalyptic setting. the body of his dead loved one is right in front of him, but he can't reach her. in the middle of the song, he rips himself free and crawled to her. then just as he was about to reach her, he got shot in the head a few times (there was much recoil) from afar and the end was that he and the girl were facing each other. camera tilts to the sky to see halo, happy him and her perfectly fine in each other's embrace. the end. how touching.

okay bye.

argh it's Secret Garden now! another awesome song.

okay bye for real

2010-12-07T16:38:00.004+08:00

after so many days since the last post, i still feel getting the backflip wasn't much of a big hooha as i thought it'd be. i guess it's really the anticipation that is exciting rather than the actual thing itself, whatever it may be. such as if you've been waiting for so long to get a something that you want, say.. a bike or that pair of skates, you'll be really eager waiting for it, dreaming of all the stuff you'd do with it. then when you bring it home/it comes to your door step. you'd be happy unwrapping it and stuff. and the next day, maybe you'd go like 'meh' or smth. hmm.. it sounds like 'you've just got bored with it'.. hmm maybe that wasn't a really good analogy. ah heck, you get my point.

dunno what's up with me nowadays. i don't feel awesome and all as i used to with the dual broadswords, and learning the routine as i used to be. yeah, same like my backflips. i don't get that hyped up feeling when i think about wushu, or even tricking, as of late. ugh. probably due to the MST? i hope so.

i've seen many dual broadswords videos on youtube, there were quite a few with r/o backflip. quite demoralising, to see someone else has actually done it before you already, and all along you thought it was an original move. (you know people have done it before, but just not THAT many) oh heck, i'll just aim for fulltwist(s) with duals! i've never seen that (yet)!

been quite stressed over this particular MST. there wasn't much stress in the previous MSTs, but people around me (and myself) have been taking it like ESTs. so stressed such as thinking about lying in an open field on a cloudy, breezy day can be so relaxing. on relaxed days, you'd think it'd be wasting time lol

back to study.. but no mood, no mood to even play games. D:

Low..... l:

2010-12-03T00:27:00.003+08:00

yay backflips.

why am i not feeling all that excited, as i thought i might?

perhaps it's because i've had help getting it?

most probably it is..

not that it isn't fun or anything, but i think maybe it came a bit too easy, like there was the analysis of the technique of nearly three years to get it, and not slanted too (not backwards), and there was the gradual training of various jumps that lead to the move itself. perhaps i've not landed it on floor yet. all this while is still backflip to mat. or perhaps i haven't done it in front of a bunch of 'normal' people (people who aren't as exposed to cool moves, whereas wushu and gymnastics people might probably go 'meh')

or perhaps after getting my backflips all nice and high, i'll teach myself to layout backflip, flash kick, fulltwist.. and a myriad of other backflipping tricks.

i've JUST thought about 'why do i wanna learn flips so much? what will it get me? where will it bring me?'. it struck me hard. yeah.. why? maybe right now, as i'm feeling low, i'm unable to answer myself as the 'normal' me does.

yeah, i'm feeling all low-y, but this one relates to relationships

i used to be able to 'love' or 'like' a girl so readily a while back, p6 to sec3 period.
although i don't really get the girl, it still feels.. umm.. hopeful, to even have that feeling. that maybe one fine day she might see a good quality in me. so i'd dress and act all cool and stuff, bombard myself with fragrant deodorants, and even bother to spend time on my hair, even though i was already running late and risking my student councilor position.

haha.. really pathetic huh? :l

but now, i just feel so empty inside. sometimes i'd question myself when i see a really beautiful girl- nope, not 'pretty', not 'chio', not 'hot', not 'mmmmpphhh!!!', what will happen if she became my girlfriend? then i'd answer myself.. nothing will happen.

some of my closer girl-friends, i'd also wonder whether i like them as just friends, or more. i can't tell anymore. i fell for my best friend once, but i was also afraid it would ruin our relationship.. but now.. i dunno

i know i'm not alone, not without my sec sch friends, poly friends and wushu friends.
yet i feel so lonely
i wanna love and be loved
yet i'm afraid to love

it totally sucks, this dilemma

they say love could be at first sight
but when i go about my daily business, i get the frequent eye-contact with girls. no, seriously. they're quite good-looking too. then i'd automatically break that eye-contact as quick as lightning come and go. i'd then wonder what they'd be thinking. my first practical guess is always 'pervert!' or something along the negative lines, though i end up hoping for 'gosh, he's cute/cool' or something positive. lol
then i'd think about the outcome of having a girlfriend. what would happen? what would change?

it is also said that loving someone else takes courage too. i've got all the courage to do flips and twists, all the courage that risk myself getting hurt physically and laugh about it later. but i've got nil for loving another again. yes i've loved before. and got hurt. i didn't laugh. i cried.

recently, i've read suhui's blog. i said she was really lucky to have yikeng to listen to her. i added a :)
well, for me. i don't need a girl to listen to me. i just want her to be by my side; in each other's arms.

then quite sometime ago, suhui also said 'you can tell me your problems'. i was definitely all 'what...?', i guess it's due to my parentage. i've never been raised to share my problems, the kind in which you can share with loving parents. but my parents are the traditional practical sort. it's either you tell me something that needs to be done, or else beat it. i've tried it, they definitely didn't give me the type of comforting answer i was hoping to get, but much more of a reprimand of 'why did such a thing happen'. i've since learned to bottle up any of my problems and emotions and show a steady front, 'or i'll get scolded and end being angry on top of depressed'. so um anyway, even if i told suhui, or anyone my problems, it's really not the same from the type you'd get from a lover. though it may be the same answer line for line. if anyone other than my lover or REALLY close friend allowed me to confide in them, i'd feel like i've been mocked at, though i know that's not their intention.

i'm all out of hope now. lost. i would rather have my heart ache for someone, than feel empty.
heck :l

2010-10-31T00:20:00.003+08:00

DUI LIAN : GOLD! 8.35

Quite a relief, because I think as compared to regular trainings, it was pretty badly done IMHO.

What caused us to not score higher:

The new pair of shuangs was the major problem. It's MUCH heavier than the one we used for training. there's an obvious difference in sound even when blocking off the spear. the training pair can make me deaf, whereas this one sounds.. weak. :l

which caused some misses here and there

the other was MY FREAKING CLIMAX MOVE!! THE BTWIST!!! ARGGHHHH!!
Although I still managed to do it, I kinda screwed up cos i somehow lost control and jumped further. yet for some reason, even when i know i screwed up already, i twisted anyway and completed the rotation and landed in my cool pose! and while we're rehearsing that part on the carpet. I COULD EVEN GET TO THE LANDING POSTURE MID AIR, WITH TWIST COMPLETED AND STILL HAVE TIME TO THINK EVERYTHING NICELY MID AIR, WTFFFF ARRGGHHHH (i think i can go dbtwist now :p)

though im happy about the end result of gold, im not quite happy with my performance.. ugh srsly. or i wouldn't be posting it here. im not tryna be some show off or whatever, im really not happy with my performance. ugh -.-

could've been done better

well anyway, CONGRATS TO SP WUSHU! :D

2010-10-24T01:49:00.004+08:00

feeling down.

need someone to talk to.

there's no one to talk to.

there isn't really anyone i can talk to.

:l

2010-10-24T01:49:00.001+08:00

200th post!

2010-10-23T02:23:00.002+08:00

today was mock competition

keith and i did.. erm.. how to say?

okay
if we were the first to go, we would have been very elated. but seeing that our score is just average compared to the others. so i guess it's like normal? lol we got a 8.10/10 i think

mistakes!

- first spear where my head dodges the spear, the spear got stuck at my big head
- my hook kick didn't hit his back
- my gong bu was all wobbly and i jumped a bit.. damn
- mm.. some misses here and there
- I SCREWED UP a small portion of the taolu, but i sorta covered it up a little. but if you saw it you'd know it's a mess up
- more misses
- my leg was bent at some point
- and our acting. coach said we were just doing the taolu, and not act as if it's the manly fight of our lives. oh well.. i'll drama more then, but i'm afraid i might be exaggerated, like how i mostly exaggerate things more comically.

and zy coach didn't see the part where i did the btwisssttt..!!! T~T
need to wait for wei xiang to upload the vids.. so i'll have to watch it tmr morn!

good night! :D

2010-10-09T01:54:00.003+08:00

been really busy this holiday. every other day had to go out

monday was training. at the end of the training, coach zy had me train my btwists

tuesday.. stone

wednesday
- go choose weaps with coach zy and the logistics ICs, sing hai and gabriel
- went back to sch, intending to hand up NYAA form.. but forgot to bring ._.
- kena drag into some high tea meeting/'chit chat' with big shots of the school and some shaolin people. stress sia, they want us to do so much things, important-sounding things. we're only students leh..

thursday
- go take ftt lesson in the morning
- went to sch to hand up NYAA form for real
- went swimming with Wushu ppl. had much fun

Friday (today)
- training, felt shitty. body all sianed, mind also kinda sianed did basics with little energy.
- trained btwists
- btwists are getting kinda good eh. just let your mind stone, and feel the back leg all high and straight can already
- deal with spgg stuff

i feel very incompetent as a vice-prez. im pretty much a laid back person, so i'm kinda struggling with this post. but vice-presidency is helping me i suppose. it's making me learn to give up my anime-watching, game-playing, day-dreaming, face-booking, lazy-bumming and stoning habits for more important things. although i kinda feel like giving it up, but i told myself that it's cowardly to run away from responsibilities. if i can't get through this hurdle, i can't get through anything else.

jia you. ganbatte. go for it. yeah.

2010-10-04T12:05:00.003+08:00

yay! upgraded to win7! it sure is much faster than vista.

had ltc camp from lastlast friday to last monday, and then wushu training camp from last wednesday to yesterday..

camp spree! haha

preparations for competition is going rather smoothly i suppose, but there's still a lot of work to be done, such as getting my btwist up and ready any time.

my results improved, but i need more improvement.

lalala

2010-09-18T00:42:00.003+08:00

i have some selfish things to whine about, but i think it's best to just let it stay quiet. i don't like people to think that i'm such a person. so i'll just sadly accept it. oh well. :l fml and myself.

2010-09-07T02:32:00.001+08:00

i sometimes like to stare at my blog and dwell in sad memories. memories that are heart-wrenching while i listen to songs of that time. why? :l

2010-09-07T02:25:00.000+08:00

my grandma said: studying is not of utmost importance.

:D

2010-09-04T01:43:00.002+08:00

went sch at 10-ish and helped suhui with her stuff which i forgot to put the form i collected for her in the clubhouse -.-

then joined my friends to study till we had class

i got 31/50 for the test we had on monday. my mcqs got all right! wow really i must have been that lucky. but it was only a couple which i wasn't very sure of, just looked at the similarities in the answers and chose the outstanding one.. haha liddat also can. and then i saw that my 'ture' (lecTUREr) didn't see one of my answers written and i joined the long queue to bargain for that one mark. hey it could mean Dist or A, or pass and fail!

and then we (wushu peeps duh) had training!
basics were fast but i was tired out pretty quickly, and i forgot to drink the red bull i bought and left in my bag. so i had it after basics.

dui lian time. we started out kinda shitty at first. my jump spin thing was.. disgusting. and then i switched to the newer pair and wow.. it came out pretty nicely. training for it was all fine, even the back crashes came out. i guess i really have to dodge it that way, cos i can't do it myself. smth to do with my mind being in the 'extreme' state.. kinda thing.

i even did btwists. there was certainly no fear left while doing the setup, but it was ugly as my leg was bent and stuff. but then again, it's a good start to making it awesome! i even admitted to coach that the landing wasn't controlled, even though it went into the supposed position. i sorta crashed into it.

as we were going for the second btwist, after the dodge roll thing, keith accidentally stabbed my wrist pretty hard. i guess we were in the excited state as we were doing it pretty fast. the wound is quite deep.. but it wasn't (and isn't) bleeding nor is it pain at all! even the alcohol swabbing part wasn't pain. the new wound that i got from my finger earlier on hurt even more than this! i guess he missed the veiny spot and just stabbed the skin. whew.. good aim, keith! :D
i kinda think the bruise that came with it hurts more than the wound itself. hmm kewl. maybe very little nerve endings there haha. but i'm a little afraid of wounds, not cos of the blood (i love blood, remember? sweet, sweet blood), but the worsening of it. like what if smth happened, and my wound RIPS open even larger?! OOOUUUCCCHHHH!! yeah, this is what i always think of wounds, esp. cuts.

and then after dressing of the wound, i enthusiastically went back to training with keith, whom now seem devastated, even though i told him it's alright cos it's accidental and stuff. lolol

i was even more enthusiastic than usual.. maybe cos smth special happened to me lol. i guess i'll admit i'm quite an attention seeker.. haha. anyway it would keep the training mood up, though it's a bit more one-sided then lol.

anyway after training we went clementi, they ate while i searched for this funky plaster thing coach eugene mentioned at fairprice. oh well don't have, i'll buy fadhil his drink..

and i don't think i wanna continue cos it's just boringboring. haha

see ya! open wounds! healll!!

2010-08-31T01:31:00.002+08:00

wow it's been ages since i've last blogged hasn't it. yeah it has. lazy to blog.

went down for training after my ocrm test. test was.. um.. i wrote stuff there, but i'm not sure whether those were the answers teach was looking for. hmm well i can learn from it then.

as i brought the weaps up to sports hall.. 2 dudes were like 'hey don't kill someone with this man' and i was like 'er.. riiiiiggghhhtt' with the wavy-eyebrow-narrowed-eyes-finger-pointing-in-a-gun gesture. i was hesitant to go bloodlust-psycho-then-haha-kidding for a while but i guess the latter wouldn't really play so well.

went up, stretched, stretched some more.. and just went in with the kicks and stuff. after front sweep, break.

tried to pull a btwist out at first but couldn't cos muscles were cold and not responsive. so i just practiced the T-jump

eugene coach said:
don't swing your back leg, just lift up

and i got back my good old T-jumps :)
Thanks coach!

then i got keith to check the level of my T-jumps after we practiced the taolu.. hey horizontal and straight-legged after the third try! the next one i went in for the twist... and i did it! except bent legged. :l

Tips from experience:
if the floor is looking high, it's fine because you are horizontal
if you land somewhat into a comfy standing position after that, it's also fine, because i was horizontal
point your damned effing right foot and get it straight!
just twist dammit! (eyes over shoulder, wrapped, use waist)
don't need to use a lot of energy one la! relax!

and then i didn't do a second one cos my fear came back and my legs gave way as i wanted to jump. ):

and then.. commotion! somehow jian siong broke his nose with his knee..
it was crooked. and i guess a little flattened..?

and then coach was telling the jiti kids and wei rong smth and they all sort of looked at me for a while and i was all.. uh.. awkward for a while.. haha

then wei rong told me smth to counter what has bothered me and hindered my btwist and tricking progression for a very long time now

wei rong said:
if you want to do stunt, do all the way. don't stop. don't think. just do. you crash already then evaluate. in midair already just go all the way. don't in midair think 'aiya wrong', which lead you to crash. you either do or you don't do.

thanks wei rong!

i was enlightened. epiphany struck. seriously. omg. this is the secret sauce!

the main points:
Don't hesitate
Don't think until end of move
clear your mind beforehand
DON'T THINK
DON'T THINK
DON'T THINK
DON'T THINK
DON'T THINK

THINKING WAS WHAT MADE ME STOP HALFWAY!

while turning round and round for btwist, i would usually
THINK --> THOUGHTS --> THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR --> FAIL? --> SUCCEED? --> no i don't wanna fail and hurt myself for nth --> oh wait --> ah heck dammit --> not again!! DAMN YOU FEAR

Fear in this sense are a chain of thoughts right before the move.

so i have to forget it in order to fight it, and not fight it. fighting it would lead to thinking, which isn't what i want. so i have to forget! aha!

the other thing is confidence.
confidence builds from familiarity and your physical wellness

so in order to execute tricks now i have to:

like it
familiarize
practice set ups
actually do it (no thinking!)
evaluate
improve

coach ky, hui ying and jesslyn then sent jian siong to the hospital. and i thought that i shouldn't do another btwist in these circumstances. if i got hurt it would really be stupid and embarassing.

so keith and i just sort of.. tried to practice but his arm and my neck was still sore so we didn't train all that much.
come to think about it, i didn't train that much either. i'm not even feeling tired! sheesh
could've spent it on training kip ups. ugh

GET WELL SOON, JIAN SIONG! though i know you don't read my blog. ha

2010-08-24T00:22:00.002+08:00

ugh.. today's training was so.. wasted.

both keith and i weren't feeling all that much to train, though we trained anyway. couldn't get my btwist out, i may have lost it already.. and the damned competition is in 2 months' time. i'm pretty stressed about it, especially with coaches' expectations of gold. and our speed and other stunts are so sloppy.. die la.

my tornadoes are also screwing up.. so slant! ugh..
it could be that today rained, which resulted in the shitty energy output.

haven't blogged since camp and i was lazy to blog about last monday's training. been sick this week, especially with a shitteous sorethroat that comes only in the morning and night. i start and end the day shitty. -.-

though i finally started studying today, out of 6hours, i think i spent half the time day dreaming. but i got about half a chapter cleared. 95% in. i think i should revise after i end this.
gonna spend tomorrow studying, on wednesday morning i think i'll go jump stairs with weights twice, and train both legs as well.. i need that leg power for the jumps! and then perhaps i'll go fix my setups for the jumps.. ugh. i hate things which need regular maintenance! i just wanna get it over with it ONCE.. (which explains why i hate studying)

AHHHHHH so emo.

competitors' training camp!

2010-08-14T02:06:00.002+08:00

since i was in training camp, i could only blog from my iphone, but it seems i can't type in the box with my iphone after a word, i'll post when i get back (which is now btw)

Friday

didn't train very intensively today. i've got my tornadoes landed on both feet, but coach says i'm slant. guess i'll work on that. slacked after the basics. didn't even feel like training today anyway.. :l

Right, so after training, we got our bags and stuff to the audition room, where we'll be camping over. the place is mirrored and there's a piano! oh! also, it's Very dark at night.. Lovely.

anyway, the main point of this post is to help me get something off my mind before i sleep on the hard floor with only a thin layer of shirt as cushioning.

while on the train to clementi for supper, there were two stunningly attractive girls just opposite of me. one was leaning against the glass and her friend was on her left. they weren't just the guys' usual eye candy, but the alpha and the omega of Pretty. O_o

first, i only noticed the girl against the glass. she was very pretty indeed. with the asian almond eyes, white skin and very feminine lips. my concentration was split 70 - 30 on her and the conversation my mates were having respectively.

after a while, her friend stepped a little forward and i got her side profile. i was literally staring at her and i didn't care whether i looked rude, lecherous or shameless. i just observed to the last detail, till finding even a single pore, as long as i could and hopefully that image would be left permanently in my memory. (but unfortunately, it didn't D':)

she had flawless white skin, a little pointed nose, small kissable feminine lips, and quite beautiful eyes (though she was wearing mascara then, i could tell from the side profile that her eyes were nice and big). her cheek was small too, and i really felt like stroking it with my finger. i would describe her as though as she came ot from a japanese female fashion magazine. she was pretty well-dressed i suppose, but i didn't get a good look as her face really captured my full attention. i even thought what i just said out loud in my head! she had that really sweet innocence that i was knocked off my shoes... i suppose she's japanese, well at least she looks like one. which migh explain her tall and pointed nose.. the song 'heaven' by hamasaki ayumi would fit her really well.

pity, now that she's stuck in my head partially, i'll be wasting time trying to remember her angelic face. and i'll be slef-pitying a lot since i only got that few quick econds of a peek in heaven, much less knowing her. :l

the world is so unfairrrrrrr!!!!!!!! D':
heartbreakers!

saturday

secind day of training camp, i had a rough sleep, so at 7smth when i woke, i decided to go sleep in clubhouse for a planned 1hr before we were supposed to wake. hah! i slept too comfortably in there and even missed my alarm. it was only until sing hai and gabriel who came in at 0930 then i woke.

the train train train (there was 4-man stretch, where we'd be put in a position where our legs would overlap each other that stretches the knee to make it straighter.. or break it. my group played games during the 10-min interval haha!) lunch.. train train.. bathe, dinner (coach ky paid for our meal, i had an urge to make everyone thank him like how we did in scouting when a teacher treated us, i didn't kno what happened, it just didn;t come out :l next time then)

then we had a movie session with ky coach's awesome projector and the club's awesome hi-fi system. we watched 'Shutter' first, which was a horror film. i was one of the few who voted enthusiatically for it! and i wasn't afraid to watch the film in any part.. quite unlike how i was.. awesome! (then i had a sleepless night thinking that the ghost would appear in the mirror or the small gap of the dark windows that showed the outside, or the ceiling somewhere.. or behind my back.. and now still, a little.. haha X_x)

Shutter
if you watched the film with us, are reading my blog, and are still paranoid/afraid (wow.. so coincidental.. i wonder who?), think about this: the guy is the bad guy, who got what he deserved. the ghost is actually the victim. so if your conscience is clear, there's nth to be afraid of! :D
but somehow my imagination always betray me hahahahahahaaaaaaaa :l

and then we watched Flash Point, an action starring donnie yen. the fight scenes were awesome. 'awesome' is such an overused word.

my eyes are getting dry. i should sleep now. lol

sunday.

sleepless night thanks to my traitor imagination. twice i was forced to go toilet in the dark alone with my heart in my gut. then at around 6smth. i saw sing hai walk out of the room and i followed him out in a bit. i waited for him outside cos i was lazy to go to the toilet also. gees what's taking him so long..? oh here he is. seems that he got an upset stomach from yesterday's food. -
my sis just talked to me about her tomorrow's things and broke my chain of thought. yes she even told me to write this down so that she'll be 'in my life' -.- lame hor?

- anyway he came out and i suggested we sleep in clubhouse and i ahd to wait for him cos i left my keys in the clubhouse.. :l yeah

we slept and woke on time. got ready and trained somemore. ran our usual route once. stretched..... A LOT. then we went back to the audition room to do basics there. with the mirror, it was awesome. first and only time i got to see myself do stuff. quite proud of myself as what i thought was ugly actually wasn't! and it was finally over. as we were in line, ready to be dismissed, coach zy came.. lol!

and then we all went home after playing with the fencing club's epees/rapiers/metal sticks
went home and blahblah

i'll blog about today, tomorrow. i'm tired and sick. didn't know i had thaaaaat much to say.
hah

2010-08-08T03:00:00.002+08:00

went training today

the matrix-dodge-and-crash-on-the-back thing came out pretty naturally while practicing.
so i guess that's okay now

landed the first btwist with shuang daos properly this time. leg straight and horizontal at the same time, and landing in the supposed position

i guess i need to do these in my btwists themselves to keep them good and consistent:
- spread legs out a little wider in setup
- point right foot. in fact, point both feet
- keep chest open, hunching will make it look ugly and i guess i might spin out of control
- oh yeah.. and JUMP!

those were reminders in case i ever forget :)

2010-08-07T01:18:00.003+08:00

wooh! had my environmental studies test today, which btw is 30% for overall. studied quite hard for it, well, at least half of it cos the module is split into two lecturers. surprisingly, as much as i hate calculations, i got all the calculations part right (i'm pretty sure of it) and i'm starting to like stuff with formulas. they're giveaway marks! i even just did the tutorial ONCE today.. and ever.. and i got the formulas right, along with the other theories memorised. the paper was pretty much okay. there was insufficient time for the paper, so says everyone as well and i had no time to check my mcqs :( oh well

now it's a 4 week (study) break before the finals!

after the test, went to buona vista to fetch my aunt from insead to home. we talked much on the way back and while waiting for my mum to reach home.

i then went for training after that.

upon reaching training, i only did the last of the jumps.. carts and aerials! well, i only did carts haha. then it was dui lian all the way for keith and i. dunno what's wrong with me today, i keep smacking him so hard.. and without any guilt whatsoever! was pretty high from redbull maybe. did one slant btwist and one twist (yes it's so slant it's just a 360 spin) i was quite pissed.. i want the horizontal one!! i think i got myself 'poisoned'! it needs correcting..

dunno why for some reason, i can't do btwists anytime i like, despite doing them quite a number of times already. it's halting my progress to awesome btwists! arghhhhghghghh

i also got down the part where i'd have to matrix-dodge the spear to my face and crash on my upper back. it gave me a headache for some reason when only my upper back hits the floor and i felt nauseous after that, oh and breathless too cos the air was knocked out of my lungs. that feeling ah. but after a while it was pretty okaaayy..

after training, as we walked back to the clubhouse, i practiced my taolu on air and some skateboarders at the back shouted 'eh siao ah! want to kill people ah!' i turned around and looked at them. while i was looking at them, i was deciding whether i should threaten them or just ignore them. i chose ignore them as threatening them wouldn't be the right thing to do.. it was really tempting to threaten them but i told myself i'd get in trouble. and since then till about just now, i keep fantasising about threatening them and drawing blood, then drinking it. i guess i really am siao. a psychological disorder maybe?

anyway, i went on with them to the usual haunt and had some bandung, gave some nearby smokers a cold stare and blahblahblah i went home

wanted to practice btwist and prereqs but my space was taken by some wedding setting. so i went to the dark street soccer court and tried to practice, but failed cos i was afraid to do it in the dark. as in a natural fear kinda thing. like why people are afraid to do backflips. even my bkicks are horrid. so i decided to stop as it will definitely screw me up.

blahblah

FIN

2010-08-05T00:49:00.003+08:00

after school, as i went home i decided to practice my btwist a bit as i might not be able to this whole week. so when i reached home, i changed into my tracks and went to the park downstairs. did a little warmup and practiced the btwist prereq first. i notcied the ground was very uneven and that my shoes can't spin on the toes against the grass, both of which would lead to injuries. so i decided not to train there and move to that tiled sheltered area whatyoucallthat. before that, i went to practice my shuriken-jutsu on my old tree. i've lost touch of the skill itself, such as even the feel when i hold the shuriken in my hand and.. feel it. as in you know, like it's a part of your body kinda thing and you can feel power in it. the kind of feel you might get when you hold wushu weapons. idk about you, but i get that. that feeling is awesome.

after that i went to that said place and TRIED to do some, but just couldn't. could be the slight fatigue from lack of sleep. well, my head was heavy for one and my legs weak another; i was also slightly breathless. i couldn't feel strength and power in my jump. but i stubbornly told myself: One. Just one.
i tried to force one out and i crashed on my ass and back. i twisted and stopped halfway out of fear and i didn't wrap. but the crash was quite.. awesome in a way that it was quite slow-mo as i fell. but a crash is a crash, it's bad.

so the thing i've learnt:

don't force yourself to do tricks if you don't have the feel or drive for it. you'll end up hurt.

the mind has to be in that very focused state that every millisecond of thought and control is possible.

2010-08-04T01:01:00.003+08:00

although there are only three tests this week, but i feel like there's hardly any space to breathe.. had one today and resulted in me skipping yesterday's training.

skipping training felt awfully uncomfortable! there they are having fun stretching and kicking and stuff whereas i'm stuck at home forced to memorise material human brains aren't meant to handle; they're for lifeless, systematic robots of monotony. it also means a i've wasted a day that might help me get a breakthrough for any moves i've been working on. like a dbtwist2split.. haha jk! but i could better my btwists though. coach zy said smth about my right leg bending and torso bent, making it ugly, but i'm finding the difference in feel between the nice and the ugly. so.. i guess it means video-or-i-dunno-what-i'm-dong-or-not-doing time.

oh yeah, friday's and saturday's training! i'm making a habit of not blogging after every training, going through detail that is the same everytime anyway. friday's training was quite slack for me as keith didn't come and coach zy was sick. so all i could do was just practice btwists.. some more. saturday was more intense, though focus was on the nationals competitors. couldn't go all out on keith as he was still sick a little, but i guess having to practice is better than nth! during stretching too, coach told us to get our chests down to the ground as we did side splits. i was like woah! O_O when i did it. the masochist in me enjoyed the pain i was in, and also the glory of being able to get my chest down. ever since that day i decided to force my side splits down, there has been much progress and i swear i can feel it go lower each time i do it.

on sunday! my thighs were freaking SORE. hey, i had three days in a row practice btwists and the prerequiste A LOT okay! and i could barely touch my toes. but i kinda like the pain on the under side of the thighs when you flick your leg out while walking. i did that a lot and wee! boy was it fun! yet pain, but fun!
on that day, my family and i met my 4th aunt at goodwood park hotel and we had a day of hanging out. went to big O's to have dinner and i had..
STEAK! YES STEAK! A BLOODY MED-RARE STEAK YUMM THE BLOOD!! but srsly, it was RAWR-OH-SO-DELISH! >:D i had the plate cleaned up with my palate. :p
damn i'm craving for another. why? the blood? what i'm hungry! :O for steak! :D
i feel so animalistic now.. i have that feeling of the whole piece of meat in my mouth and i'm clenching my teeth around it as mushroom sauce and blood drip from it..! STEAKKKKKKKKKK RAWRRR

today was a long day. the test was.. horrific. lol. yeah.
the day started with GEMs and today was about love and relations in parties.
they say 'opposite attracts', well other than gender(duh), personality-wise as well.
sanguines would go with melancholics and cholerics would go with phlegmatics. cus people would *tend* to find the other party to complement them. i guess that's why they always say their spouse is their 'other half'. hmm.. that's deep.
hey i just noticed sanguine doesn't have an 'ic' in it haha.
anyway, when you have san-san, both would fight for spotlight
cho-cho, both would fight for leadership
mel-mel, both would emo and consult each other until it becomes even worse (that's what my teach said lul)
and phleg-phleg would wait for each other to break the ice, so before they get engaged, they would have died of old age lolol.

and i wonder about me. i'm pretty sanguine when it comes to training. phlegmatic when i'm with friends, sometimes i turn choleric if everyone becomes the phlegmatics by waiting for one another to decide where to eat etc. melancholic.. well i've pretty much phased out of that. i Was that in sec sch so it's no more mel for me. except maybe when i do reports and such, i strive for perfection to the last tense.

wonder what my 'other half' might be like.. hmm. or is she even there? like in a 1000-piece jigsaw, when you first open it, probability of you taking pieces A and B and having them join up perfectly is about 1/250 for a center piece and 1/333.33 for an edge piece. oh well. hmm deep stuff eh?

i kinda detest people who won't take 'no' for an answer, especially people whom you've just met or aren't exactly FRIENDS with.
the SP navigators president happened today. some 3 weeks ago he approached me with a friend to share Fellowship and i was well hmm ok listen listen, since i'm Christian myself i would do my conscience no good to reject him. and then now, he's asking me to join him and fellows every week for lunch and idk.. i just gotta be there. he asked me again this week and after plenty of smses of why i can't go and stuff, he still said 'blahblahblah see you soon tmr!'. -.- as he's a guy whom i dunno that well yet, i decided to cool down and patiently, VERY PATIENTLY tell him 'i really can't meet you guys'. i intended to leave out the word 'guys' cos i meant only him, but decided against it after all, in case he sense my true intention of a personal rejection.

man imagined if i just told him straightaway what was on my mind.
then he would say i'm an asshole, but look who's made me the asshole being such an annoying prick -____-

anyway, it's settled in a very professional and matured manner. :)

i really don't dig why lectures/tutorials gotta be like.. 6hours consecutive! seriously they expect us to absorb that much or do well at all with such an information attack? singapore is trying to turn her citizens to organic robots instead of having.. PEOPLE at all! we Have a life, you know? agggghhhhhhhh!! i guess the only real people are those who loaf around all day, *insert stereotypical mindset of school dropout here*. you know what i mean la, not in the bad way. i envy them. not in the sarcastic way also
and then those people who can do well (they're probably robots) get decent jobs and the sub-standard ones get sub-standard jobs.
well, but afterall, to a country
People = productivity
a country is basically a giant factory to make money and have the machines replace their old ones. a country wants to increase its GDP so that its citizens get better standards of living and quality of life right? what is all that when you have to slave and slog all day?! what kind of quality of life is that? we might as well go back to basics, where stuff is simple and carefree. where people are truly happy and truly people. i could go on about this topic with millions of different analogies but you get my point. happiness is NOT about luxury, is NOT about wealth, is NOT about standard of living.. wait, i need a clean place to stay. but it IS about doing what you wanna do and not have *cough*thegovernment*cough* decide your future or smth liddat.

whoever said information is power, screw you!
information is burden!

as i type this, i have mixed feelings as well.. why? i kinda feel that since we are already here, might as well do it. since we have been fed with years of information, and the psychological complexity and cognition, going back to basics would be all 'ughhh'-ish for us and we definitely need complex forms of happiness such as wealth, power.. that kind of things to be 'truly happy' now, with a complex mind.

screw complexity. i wish i were a kitty cat :3 meowmeowmeow!!

wow nice blog post. so random, yet so.. deep. hmm.
Gackt rocks!

PS: as i'm about to off my comp now, i realised the whole time i wasn't online on msn.. haha!

2010-07-30T02:00:00.002+08:00

had a small training today after school.

trained in the prerequisite for btwist.. a lot.

in bkicks.. a bit

and btwists themselves. (though earlier i swore to myself not to do them)

slipped on one btwist landing and crashed on the inside of my right knee, which has an invisible and not-so-serious bruise thanks to first aid. i bet it was my own sweat on the floor that made me slip.

i think my setup for the bkick/twist is quite strong now, considering the fact that i can felt blood rush to my fingertips as i do the first 2 steps and the jump came out naturally.

one thing i noticed and learned today: hit it hard and fast.

meaning to say that, whatever you do in wushu, put your full energy to it throughout the move.
i watched btwist videos on youtube and saw that Steve Terada (a famous trickster) can do a Standing double btwist. yes, a STANDING DOUBLE btwist. there was no run-up or anything. noticed while that, he used much force and the least amount of time to get to where he wanted to be and just BAM! landing was solid as well, it means he didn't relax in the move at all (unlike what i'm doing 90% of the time).

well, enough said.

i should use this tip for study as well huh? ..and possibly everything i do. i should give it my all when i study, with mind focused and all. it feels good to have a focused mind.

in whatever i do, i Should give 150% or 200% if not 100%. but of course i need to think of consequences as well (such as playing capt's ball before training. using 100% for capt's ball would leave me 60% for training.. lul ._.)

2010-07-29T01:12:00.002+08:00

omg i was supposed to hand up my materials science formal report two weeks after the experiment and all along i thought it was THREE!!! btw tmr would make it the third week, i'm only about 60% through the report all thanks to my lousy groupmate who doesn't want to go online or reply SMSes and keep everything to himself INCLUDING the experimental data. i've been bugging him for it and he just won't budge! argh whattodowhattodowhattodo?!?!?!? T~T

the lab manual doesn't say that there will be penalty for late submits.. but i don't wanna bet on it.

guess i'll use the last resort: get a Friend's report and paraphrase.

sigh.. i hate that so-called groupmate of mine -_____-

i was planning to sleep it through and just let it be late a couple of days before i saw 'two weeks after the experiment'. now i'm all in a panic and i can't sleep with that all in my head and argharghargh!!!!! ARGH D: D: D: D: D: D:
GRR D:< D:< D:< D:<

RAWRRR D:<<<

i think i'll go play or.. continue with the report as much as i can.

bye haha boo hoo ennnnhhnnnnnn aasadfsalvkslvjslkvnlaskvnlaks l;kas SADFASF AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-24T01:21:00.001+08:00

dui lian was really tiring. i'm so beat that i asked my sis to help me with my chores a bit, and i'm gonna blog tmr instead good..nig...zzzzz

*K-O*

2010-07-19T23:32:00.004+08:00

The Last tornado i did on saturday!

Many thanks to Xing Yan video-ing it for me :)

I'm so grateful to coaches ky and zy repeating 'leg follow body after kick' and that i went for saturday's training..

my awful tonadoes are out and the new ones are in!

i'm gonna drill tornadoes till i drop

i sprained the 4th toe on my right today practicing the setup for said move. the left one just recovered. i see that the injury has been transferred. hmm :(
jump spins were awesome today. straight up straight down. and with 2 rounds on both sides rather effortlessly :]

PS: prior to the previous post, okay it doesn't look like yk's at all lol

2010-07-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

woots! saturday training was aweeesoommeee!!

despite being in a somewhat-tired-from-yesterday's-training state, i survived the training thanks to my very awake mind. it was working properly!

first up was stretching. had a little difficulty at first thanks to my unsupernatural recovery rate, but after a while the degree of the stretch went to the max on a normal day with some degree of pain though. and then we did that stretch where you'd use the wall to support your leg. after a while, campers from some cca or smth came by and they were all like WTF!! O_o (even the girls, which i soo like it because i'm a guy and am beating them at their thing which comes more naturally to them.. wahahaha! :D) but i was more focused on getting my leg higher up than their reactions. noticed that my stretching leg was pushing myself back and i used the doors and the bit of wall in front to pull myself forward.

and then.. splits! yilun gave me lots and lots of help! thanks! :D
i could have done better on a normal day but hey, that's training! was quite good already, considering the fact that i maintained the same distance to the floor. and my side splits, i swear i felt it go even lower significantly, but without yilun's help this time cos coach told her not to incase i tore smth.. haha

basic kicks were quick, but we did extra li he spin to compliment tornadoes later.
dunno why my jump-spins were off today. oh well
tornado!
new things i've learnt:
the jumping part LOOKS like both legs, but it's a very quick single leg take-off
after kicking, make the leg follow through WITH the body

i did them and i landed some on-the-kicking leg tornaodes. the tkd 540 type.

and by break time, xing yan video-ed me and i saw significant progress, it has the yikeng type now! all i need is practice and my goal of 720 tornaodes will come! :D

and then did one okay (i think) btwist and a slant one. need to get back to basics! the T-jump-gonna-be-btwist thing

zheng yao's aerials are getting better too, i swear one of them were as high as xing yan's

thank goodness there wasn't many people today cos we get to train more! :D
saturday trainings ftw!

haha nth else. bye

2010-07-17T03:06:00.003+08:00

i just dled and am listening to songs i once listened to frequently in sec 2 - 3ish. these songs brings back all those sad and heartbroken nostalgic memories i once lived. definitely changed me to the way i am now. i was very extroverted then (which led to this come to think about it.. Now), got something as good as a slap to the face and i'm introverted now. probably my mind did this to protect my pride from being trodden over terribly, again.

now, i dunno. i dun feel it anymore. i had a jolt of it not too long ago and it felt.. 'sour' and then lonely.

first, there was hope in it. hope and optimism in one split second.
next, probably influenced by thoughts and memories, hopelessness. distant. dark. loneliness
and then, heart-wrenching. awful. probably constitues to the 'sourness' of that feeling.
finally, distant. the kind of thing that makes you think of cold dark rooms, with only the moonlight pouring into your window while you're huddled in a corner. why did i even think about it in the first place?
now i'm mentally sitting in that corner, hugging my knees, staring at what little of my toes i can see, thinking, hoping.. oh, and throw in a violin-piano duet in the distance too
my 'current situation' is probably a factor too. these are probably for like.. the next ten minutes.

damn, this is good material for an emo poem.
let's try

I was filled with hope and glee
Then thoughts and memories hit
Dark settled, and I couldn't flee
Perhaps i'm not mentally fit

Here I am, sitting in my corner
Only knees and toes as my companions
Violin-piano duet, another
'Sour hearts' suffer much mutilations

I opened the door
Closed a few moments ago
Why can't I feel it anymore?
Numb I must be, from the cold

2010-07-17T01:50:00.008+08:00

i had an impromptu presentation at my lecturer's office with my group. not that i didn't prepare the slides, just that it was brought forward a few hours and i was the least prepared i could be; just received that piece of news while the fc1 uncle was putting sauce on my char siew rice. my friend and i then left our rice with our other friends and rushed to his office. we turned up and were the first of all groups to present as their members had not arrived then. hah and my group leader said smth about our group being 'on standby' lol.

one guy didn't prepare the slides, so i gave that guy one of my three slides, about cathodic and anodic reactions. thank God he knew how to explain anodic reactions as i had no idea how it worked no matter how many times i went through that diagram on my notes. then he said smth about using 'corrosion to prevent corrosion' and 'passive film', and i had the slightest bit of impression of what it was. haha

after the tutorial that ended at one, i rushed to bbdc for my btt. arrived early, which is btw so unlike me. while outside waiting, i grabbed a seat and whipped out the book to revise. after a bit, it was time. went in and got my seat.. looked over my monitor.. hey! that girl Quite cute! :D LOL but whatever. i'm here for the test. the briefing came and gone and it was the test.
some twenty minutes later, i walked out of the room with smile, but with an irritation too. i got 49/50! DARN IT!! where did it go wrong?!??!?! ARGH!! GRR IT'S LIKE A PERMANENT BLACK DOT ON THE CENTER OF A PIECE OF PERFECT WHITE PAPER! (assuming you want that paper perfectly white)
i waked down the stairs and saw... Austin! he's one my skate friends, but since i don't skate with them anymore i don't hang with them anymore. caught up a bit with him and off i went.

then it was training. the sports hall was filled with cls peeps playing capt's ball. i was made to lead the running of our route for two rounds. near the completion of the first round, i learnt from fadhil it was two rounds and i silently said 'only?', but upon completion of the second round, i said 'thank god it's only two rounds'..! lol! stretched and stuff. then ky coach made us do that leg front-side-back leg-raise thing. while doing so, it realised most of the weight of your leg is supported by one thin piece of muscle thing as it was the only thing hard in my leg and i felt it.

when we pulled out the carpet, we found lots of broken glass on the second carpet. i was really. really pissed. i hate people who:
- litter on our carpet, leaving their drinks and such there and it spills inside, which damages the carpet
- hide evidences there, such as broken glass from the clock, second time already
- say stuff which aren't true about wushu, using their STEREOTYPICAL mindsets as sources
regarding the carpet, should i find out who, i would seriously confront that person in every way intimidating.. D:<>:) i think i can give it another 3 months, or longest 6 months until it becomes as good as my front splits.

then basics. pretty fast. i like chopchop basics, the type that doesn't leave you exhausted come jumping. i feel like it was much better too, in terms of performance, this way. basic kicks once, straight into the slapping part.

come jumping, i felt that the 'extra tornado take-off prerequisite jump-spin' thing was redundant for me. i felt it was a waste of energy and was a risk of causing more injuries. i'm not doing it the good way i used to, no idea why. maybe i'll try different setups and such to test out. come tornadoes, they just got worse throughout the session from fatigue. butterflies, ditto. my butterflies aren't as good as they used to be. ): one part coach shouted across the carpet to me 'no no no no no!' i felt it really demoralising. ):
i need to work on the setups of the said skills instead of the skills themselves
tornadoes are taxing!! t for t, how matching.

then coaches had a talk with us and asked us what we wanna do for the upcoming nationals. and in the end (still not confirmed), keith and i are chosen to be dui lian partners. scary stuff, especially in such a tight schedule too. after that, the performers for the upcoming performance did their own thing and ashley and i came up with some rubbish with shuang dao and gun. and i sorta helped ashley with his fei jiaos. and i mustered the strength and courage to do one btwist. one only. but i think it's rather slant anyway so it's not a good one. did not dare try aerials cuz my right ankle is still spoilt. lol spoil. don't wanna aggravate it further.

and then training ended. it was fadhils b'day, we taupok-ed him and sang him happy birthday while that. after that, he somehow managaed to wriggle out FROM UNDERNEATH of us! he some kinda twister champion? hahaha!

while keeping the carpet, my left knee nearly got twiste out of place/dislocated/broke as it was trapped inside there (i was putting it there to stopper my side and let the other side become straight, ya know?) and they were still rolling it a bit. thank God i twisted the same direction as the carpet before fadhil told them all to stop. it was a really really close shave. whew. Thank God. (i feel squirmish now that i'm thinking about it, i mean the feeling and all)

then found an almost full bottle of yellow 100+ and conveniently finished it. went home and had a plate of shui jiao mian and another plate of yun tun mian (wan tan min) mum called me regarding my phone bills. seems like there were some outstanding cellular network data not calculated in the previous bill, and my bill amounted to $123 bucks wtf. reached home and then discussed with mum options and surprisingly (no, really) she wanted me (in a sense) to take the iphone plan (which will be $44 a month), despite the iphone not being mine (borrowed from friend) and asked me to ask my friend whether i can have it for some bucks. i thanked my mum for settling this messy stuff for me and she smiled :)

had my bath some time ago and i'm here! :D

hah! injuries! and all on right leg too!

2010-07-13T00:11:00.006+08:00

1. Hip flexor
How: Did a Tan Pai out of impulse at home before warming up or anything.
Now: Take a freaking long and painful time to warm up so I won't feel the hurt during training. Can't do full right-sided splits anymore. Interferes with side-splits.
Without warming up, all kicks with the right hurts a lot.

2. Knee
How: I forgot.
Now: Feels like there's something stuck in there sometimes. Has the feeling that is 'crackable'. That kind of 'crack and it feels better', like cracking your knuckles, back, sternum etc.

3. Shin
How: Fei Jiao-type moves, and Fei Jiaos themselves.
Now: It used to hurt a lot just by jumping off that leg especially Fei Jiaos and prerequisites. It's not as bad now but there's still the hurt and it 'comes back' on tired days.

4. The front of the ankle area
How: Screwed up round-off/aerial/cartwheel/any other right-footed landings
Now: It sucks, it just sucks. I can't land on that foot alone without being on the floor, swearing and clenching my teeth in the next second for about 5 minutes.

5. In-step , that bone area
How: Probably a screwed tornado landing, I forgot.
Now: Ankle rotation exercise and anything related hurts.

6. Heel
How: Screwed Bail Lian landing
Now: It used to hurt a lot, now it's barely there but there is that weakness feeling. Probably holding back mentally with the 'twice bitten thrice shy' theory. Yes, I've hurt that same place before in sec 2 as I did an axe-kick to the ground straight. Lol to stupidity.

I should go to some doctor right? My sis said there could be fractures or tears that need professional help. I really don't know what to do about myself. Be a spectator in training forever? Might as well quit if it comes to that. Or perhaps stay and do admin work.

:l
I'm so.. hopeless.

2010-07-11T16:25:00.003+08:00

it was really touching a few moments ago.

i received an sms at 1530hrs 'today can work part time 2hrs?' from an unknown number.

i thought the skating place needed people as.. it is a weekend and that's my *only* job left (freelance). i was really reluctant to go as i get pressured when group teaching, and i'm much better at 1-on-1 or small group teaching; they want me to teach group. i continued with my granado espada - playing till 4.

at 4, i got dressed and dragged my ass to the higher storeys of the block opposite the place to 'spy' on them, to see whether they really needed people. there i saw only a couple of kids and one instructor. i smsed back 'am i still needed?' and i got a reply 'can work today at orchard ion?'
O_o i didn't reply immediately and realised that the smses were from my previous boss which i didn't think he'd ask me for help again. the job was to help him with his filming and filming equipment for advertisements. it took me quite a while to remember the guy's name. oh, james. hah. ._.

i then went down to see them. then it happened: the bunch of my usuals came to me noisily and begged 'kor kor can teach us today????'.

:')

2010-07-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

i had a booking at bbdc for basic theory evaluation at 1315 and since my class ended early, i played some monopoly and game of life at the lib. play ah play... for some reason i kept thinking '2 oclock, 2oclock' and i missed my booking. ._. even while i was outside waiting for the 'next session', i saw my phone '1400hrs' and even thought i was early! weirdddd.....
i walked out of the room a slightly embarrassed.. and headed down straight to book an evaluation or i can't take my btt next friday. so i booked one at 21.55, the last slot of the day. the other only slot i can take is the next day, which is very risky. so i booked today, in case i fail i can have one more go tomorrow or i'll have to wait 2 - 3 more months to book for btt. which then i'll have little time for practicals and ftt. waste of 90 enrolment bucks.

i went off from school at 9, and reached the place with 10 mins to spare. hey, there's a LOT of walking, from the mrt to the centre.

good thing i had a practice session yesterday and remembered the answers, and applied the 'read questions CAREFULLY' technique as yesterday i was really shagged thanks to a full day of brain-bashing lectures; the long sentences became short.

after i finished the questions, i ran through them again and good thing too! i got 65/70, which is slightly above the passing mark of '90%'.

oh well, my teacher-friend then picked me up from the place and we had some supper of duck noodles which had terrible soup. good thing i asked for 'gan'. and i sensed that he wasn't happy abt smth and i probed him to release all that angst. it's work-related. abt the eavesdropping-and-making-a-mountain-of-a-molehill-hypocritical-twofaced-and-fault-finding bitches (mostly) and/or bastards you'll meet in work. from a casual conversation turns to a report to the boss. God bless him. i told him to chillax as.. i really didn't anything more comforting to say (and now, still) :l

and he drove me home after that.

2010-07-04T13:49:00.005+08:00

looking at my previous entries for the last year, i realised it is 95+% wushu. i'm sure it's boring you. i'll try to go two months without blogging ANYTHING related to wushu and/or stunts. i'm sure there won't be anything here for the next two months, if i comply. haha

2010-07-03T00:51:00.003+08:00

since the three captains, liyan, fad and ash weren't here today, i was the acting captain. i've wanted to try being a captain last time, and i see that my chance was today! haha
being captain for today, it drove me to perhaps my limits or beyond. i was much more enthu in stretching and everything else, that even my injured right rip flexor was stretched and it felt normal. and being captain lets me decide how long every holds their stretch! :D --> >:D

we had quite a lot of basics today. even those very-exhasuting grounded butterfly leg and back lifts. while doing feijiao and prereqs, i noticed that my shin wasn't acting up as much as they did, or perhaps they didn't act up at all! and today was the first time i did a teng kong zhen ti right! haha xD (or it felt right at least) during the last slapping li he on my left foot, kicked my hand too hard or smth, that my fingers literally felt burnt. and i saw tiny droplets of blood forming on the surface. there was nth i could do then but grit my teeth and 'argh' in agony. ):

guess my tornadoes are improving, many thanks to the tips and the tippers ;) though i couldn't feel one that was 'supposedly' better :l i guess practise is all that's left! :D

had rest then and during then coaches ky and zy asked me whether i've got interest in dui lian. choreographed fight. and of course i said yes as i was, then they said some 2 seconds later that i'm in. :o

practised btwists on the carpet after that. landed a few. probably 5 and crashed (but not severe) like.. 2? coach zy said i twisted too early which explains the out-of-place landings.
.. practise!!!
i can say yi keng's getting his btwists too. there's definitely that distinctive twist. and told him the landing will come naturally, so don't need to focus on unwrapping and stuff. just wrap all the way! :D

and then i did jumping left-handed carts. then an aerial. my aerial landings are horrific. i lose balance straight after i land and i stubbed my left foot, which houses my sprained 4th toe, on the ground straight. i was groaning in pain for about 2mins after that (it really was that pain), so much that i gritted my teeth and had to walk on my heel. i guess i gotta go back to jumping carts and re-evaluate them.

then we did 60 mabu jumps and 60 tuck jumps. no kick la i one-leg hop stairs almost everyday. xD

and dismissed and played a little kick-the-ball around.. made up a new sequence of actions with the dao. sliced the leaves of the spider lilies and woah, they went like those anime samurai slicings. feels awesome! xD

then went to clementi to eat! the people watching soccer there all GOALLL-ed twice. then went home...

then had a little 're-cap' session. did that 'da tiao' thing, dunno whats it called. and 2 tornadoes. and played with my fave fat cat before one-legged hopping up. yes i did it. hah. and stuff happeend at home blahblah and i'm here!

bye! sorry for the bore. :p

slow-mo extreme moments! :O

2010-07-01T01:16:00.003+08:00

was in the clubhouse waiting for a friend. i practiced my dao and played with the duals. i was just making up styles as usual, and then i threw the left sword while i was half slack and all.

i saw it in slow mo (or that my mind was going really fast), the sword leaving my hand and rotating. i noticed i threw it a bit too near me and low (still rotating). somehow i instinctly jerked my upper back back a bit and my head a little up in that split second, and i saw it. the tip of the blade nearly missing my left eyeball and that bit of wind on my lashes, and it went past. it finished the rotation and i caught it by the handle. it's weird (but cool) how time seem to slow down 10-fold during these extreme moments.

one other time was in sec three.
my friends and i went to ulu pandan cc to play a little street soccer. near the end of the session, while everyone went to get drinks, go toilet etc. my friend's friend, kicked the ball HARD towards me (i was standing a bit from the goal posts, about 1.5m from the wall), and there i saw it, real slow. the ball in one freeze frame, and then his shocked face with the ball mid-air. i just spun on my right foot, counter clockwise spin (instinctly again) and the ball was definitely where i was some microsecond ago. it hit the wall and came back to me on my other side (i've just spun till half round here), and i avoided it the same way it came. it was like a double-dodge with one spin. :O (my left toes gripped the floor hard from stopping the spin as i spun just one full round and i was tip-toed on my right). i was in utter shock afterwards. so was that guy.

there were many times like these but i couldn't remember all of them. maybe not extreme enough, or they were all ball-related.

damn. it's awesome. :o

2010-06-29T00:19:00.004+08:00

today yi keng and coach gave me more pointers for tornadoes.

yi keng:
- first step, wider and faster.
- kick asap

coach eugene:
- go into setup at 45deg instead of 90
- keep body sturdy throughout whole move
- get with the UP when bringing leg down, same as basics

i used these pointers combined, and it just felt magical. srsly. i got even higher, for one, and got way more spin and control mid-air. and with the 'keep body sturdy throughout whole move', it made them tornadoes not some super tiring feeling move. it just felt.. normal! it was the BIG cause of injuries especially my back.

thanks guys!!! :D

today! (also)

got back three papers

Process Instrumentation:
15/50. lol i didn't study for this as I really don't dig it and it was the second paper on the two-paper day

Corrosion science:
32/50. lol i did study for it, but i didn't expect to get more than 30.

organic chem reaction mechanism:
32.5/5. i did study for this too. was one of the few who passed. could've done better though. i'm catching up the pace of study! :D

that sprained right ring finger of mine is still swollen and in pain. at least it doesn't look like a chicken cocktail like a couple days' ago :p

and that sprained left 'ring' toe is still.. sprained! the new shoes hurt! D: i can tan-pai till my feet hurt though lol!

now, back to doing a case study which i have to burn midnight oil for haha

2010-06-28T03:34:00.004+08:00

why is it that everytime i visualise myself doing perfect backflips from whichever angle or views (especially first-person) i get an adrenaline rush, even though i'm sitting in front of my laptop, typing this? My legs get weak and warm and heart beats like I ran from a mad dog. I can visualise myself doing backflips crystal-clear though, even in slow-mo. I can imagine the feel and what not. I'm just scared to do it. I'll get it one day. Probably I'll just get coach's attention someday and throw a backflip. Maybe coach's attention is my motivation to not screw up. Haha..

Or perhaps I can use this tactic to get warmed up. adrenaline...

2010-06-27T02:42:00.002+08:00

2010-06-27T01:31:00.002+08:00

2nd time i wasn't needed for skating lessons, due to 'too few students'. tomorrow will be the third. if adam doesn't need me anymore, he could just say, so i don't have to cancel my things for him. i can understand if he's trying to save a few bucks cos paying me for every three hours isn't cheap. it's $50 for a session. and twice a week. he earns about $10 from each student a session and i don't know how many students he has, but i think he won't be earning at all if everyone were part-timers like me. and then he has assests and FULL-TIMERS to take care of too. much less himself. well. i totally understand.

it has both its up(s) and down(s) though.
ups:
- i used that time to do a bit of thinking for my projects
- didn't have to deal with some of the more annoying kids (i only like some of them)
- didn't have to deal with awkward situations with parents and new comers

downs:
- no $50 for me today, $100 for the week
- hence i can't get the stuff i need/want
- IF i get called up, i won't know where the kids progressed to

on friday, went to chinatown point's wushu store to purchase the dual daggers. but, unfortunately and fortunately, the metal pair was sold-out and i didn't want the plastic-handled ones they had. so i left my name with the lady and she said she'll order them.

unfortuantely:
- i was really looking forward to them that i waited 45 mins for the store to open lol
- wasted trip there D:

fortunately:
- i didn't spend money!
- i'll be needing the money to pay for camp on monday (yeah i kinda guessed i wasn't needed for skating)

and then had clubhouse cleaning. despite 'cleaning' i feel that the clubhouse is more cluttered and.. uncomfy. perhaps it's all the junk there that needs throwing. :l and the floor is even sandier. i can predict another clubhouse cleaning soon. there'll be carpet-cleaning tmr, but i won't be going. there's only one vacuum cleaner.

had my re-grading test just now. san duan chang quan. i guess it's pretty ok, no big slip ups like the previous time. i even had the time to think out loud in my head: what am i doing? oh yeah, san duan chang quan. hmm.. was pretty stable too. except my gong bu-s were a little screwed. but what the heck.

and then i discussed tornado kicks with coach eugene. i got a feeling he's annoyed with my questions, cos some of them i've asked before. practise. practice
i practise tornadoes
wushu is a martial arts practice

coach ky said that my 'new-found/discovered' tornadoes were 'wrong' cos i'm not doing it as to what he's teaching. mine jumps with almost both legs. his, just the right. baaaack to square one. :l quite demoralising, really.

and then they went to mos burger at clementi, i fell to peer pressure and had to take the walk home after that. took me about an hour. got a blister on my foot and small abrasion at my there. correction, NEAR my there. :) hah

took the long, lonely but yet, lovely walk back.

now yi keng's talking to me on msn about tornadoes! (he just read my blog)

2010-06-22T02:13:00.002+08:00

omg i just realised i have a ton of shit undone!!!!!! AHHHHH AND THEIR DATELINES ARE LIKE WTFFFFFASSCVKOKXDVSBOAOFKWOKSAC!!!!! AHHHHH

I'll list them out for myself

PROINS lab manual qns 4
--> to furqan this week

Materials Science Case Study
--> Ask wei lun
--> 27th June, this sunday

BINSAN formal report
--> 28th June, this coming monday

ENVSTA case study
--> 29th June, this coming tuesday

TELL ME HOW DO I COMPLETE THESE?! HAHAHAH LOLOLOL BOO HOO!!! X_x

2010-06-22T01:25:00.003+08:00

woah. i think my random thought dump really helped me LOADS. I'm able to land almost perfect 360degs wushu-style tornado kicks on both legs!

I asked coaches eugene and kim yong for their opinion on them and they said that they're improved! of course i was really elated and was high throughout. :D

*warning, chain of thoughts. might be boring*
They're 'pop' tornadoes as i did it from stand; not from a run or a huge takeoff.
I started to think of it as a spin with my leg sticking out when i landed my left-legged lotus kicks. i noticed my right leg in the lotuses was just spinning on the spot, like a straight rotating stick, and i remembered how yi keng does his tornadoes, his left leg spins the same.

it is merely a spin with your right leg sticking out

for a very long time i thought of tornadoes as a huge sequence of events in coordination and more of a KICK than a spin. really, there was no/little force needed in the kick. wonderful how a different approach can solve a problem just like *snaps* that.

I also landed 2 btwists on carpet and crashed one on the rubber floor in the sports hall! reason i crashed was.. i guess the rubber floor itself, conflict with my rubber soles of the shoes. two more landings to my muscle memory! that's a total of 9! great! just another 1491 more and i can do them in my sleep! :D

yaaaayyy!! :DDDD

RANDOM THOUGHT DUMP!

2010-06-19T02:48:00.004+08:00

This is to prevent myself from forgetting discoveries such as this. (yes i rushed from my kitchen to my room to write this down. i was jump-spinning in it too. not 540 or 720 though, lol suicide)

CONCENTRATE ON SPINNING. DON'T CONCENTRATE ON LANDING.
To get stable spins and you can think about opening it into a mabu and do that cross thing, or that fist thing later.

i'm VERY tempted to go downstairs now to test out my theory. but i'm all bathed and about to go to bed. :) so i shan't

Edit: my little 180ish - 360ish hops have proven the theory correct. i don't know about beyond, though, but i reckon it *should* work the same.

2010-06-19T02:40:00.002+08:00

my fingers are still numb and also having that tingly feeling from shoe-slapping. new shoe-slapping. srsly the new shoes' soles are like rocks.. with edges! so they are also like little hammers! and they can't grip the wall, hence i can't wall hike like i could with the previous shoes! D:

2010-06-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

ah training

noticed that i could only do splits and about my best if i participate wildly in captain's ball. wildly being high jumps and awkward (but cool.. perhaps) landings and the like. more of EXTREME captain's ball... haha!! once i sweat like a raymond teo, i guess i'll be at my optimal, which would make front splits possible, improvement of side splits possible, basic kicks possible. better tornadoes possible and finally guts and optimistic thinking to trick possible.

well i suppose a red bull would be a good trigger. so i guess i'll get red bulls before trainings. :)

anyway, today was largely spent on helping alvin film his fyp thing. i hope it doesn't clash with my sat and sun schedules.

sparred with ashley. he said he liked sparring with me cos i'm 'good'.. hmm? wut? ._. punched and poked him several times round the mid ribs and sternum and he got me several times in my face.. lol.

ate with them, went home and then.. that's it.

2010-06-15T02:36:00.005+08:00

suddenly there's a whole shitload of OTHER things to do after mst! and i thought nothing could beat studying in terms of shittiness. how very wrong i was. they are mostly wushu admin stuff for now. later it'll be reports and case studies. -.-

today training was.. was.. was.. yeah

we were made to run 5 rounds round the track, a 100m sprint, then a 500m sprint.

miraculously and first time ever, i ran 5 rounds without stopping. i survived the 100m sprint with 9.7 - 9.8 ish seconds and finished the 500m sprint 84 secs wth. my race partner was yu ren. at first for it he ran as fast as he could, and i followed. then i allowed him to run in front of me so he could break the wind for me and i kept with his pace. i swear i would've kicked his legs should i go with my fastest. about the second turn, he slowed down significantly and i decided to overtake with somewhat the fastest i could muster then. and i finished. haha.. i'm so.. asshole. xD and the best part of it, after all that running, i wasn't GASPING for air like i always do.

then same old stretching and basics.

after break, we learnt some taiji. i wonder was it just my imagination or was it really my internal energy, 'chi'. as i did a couple of the moves, i felt 'hot' around my arms and when i was doing like several other moves, i could feel like there was something to hit/push. hmm..

and then when class dismissed, coach eugene reminded me of the video tutorial i sent him of a tricking/tkd-style 540. he said the thing was correct, but their kicks are full circle whereas wushu's is an up-down kinda thing. and i asked him about 'bringing the hips up' and he showed me. i think it got me a foot or two higher with my hips up.. but applying it would be different. and i asked him a couple more things which i forgot.

tried to do a btwist, but i couldn't out of 'fear' and fatigue and thought that i shouldn't despite really wanting to, should it ruin my 7 good records in my muscle memory with fail attempts.

gonna read up an article on body conditioning before i sleep and i'm getting that itchy sticky feeling UGH

bye

2010-06-13T00:37:00.003+08:00

HAHA!!!!! I LANDED 5 BTWISTS TODAY DURING THE END PART OF TRAINING!!! :D

Update: why do i feel that btwists on youtube isn't as awesome as they were? i think my btwists aren't awesome too. or maybe it's just that btwists are just horizontal 360s. 720 btwists are awesome though

so.. i plan to get a double btwist by the end of this year! (considering the fact that i can 900 - 1080 jump spin :p)

oh yeah. and a backflip too.. and consistent aerials too. :)

jia you!!!

2010-06-10T18:46:00.002+08:00

straightaway after school, i went to try out a couple of butterfly twists, and managed to land ONE! but sadly, that part wasn't caught on tape cos i didn't have a cam then. so i went up after deciding whether or not i should trick and found an ancient digi cam lying on the front table, with batts inside already (fate?)

and this was what i got in my somewhat tired state.

first was a btwists (attempt)
idk why i was all adrenalised when i think of other things instead of technique, such as 'getting myself on cam' for one and the other was passerbys.

second and third were failed bkicks cos i did the set up wrongly (sticking leg too far out and then too near in)

last one would be a clean btwist if i hadn't twist too early. but then again, i was rather tired (waist sore, legs weak and unresponsive) i guess the said landed one would be this but higher.

after that, i did carts, one-handed carts and tried the aerials. was afraid to do so at first cos it's tiled floor and not carpet, and i was tired a little. managed to land SLOPPY aerials though, like the ones that travel too far out. boo ):

and then i tried to do some tornadoes but crossed it out after a couple of 'spins'.

yeah last paper tmr and then it's FREEDOM!! for two measly weeks which are filled with reports and shit. fml.

ciao

2010-06-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

the more i think about that itchy tricking session, the more i think i landed the btwist right. i dunno why i'm convincing myself this way. i think i'll try again on friday, whether coaches like it or not! >:l

2010-06-07T02:12:00.001+08:00

i walk into the battlefield, with my battle flag high and proud.
singing the battle song.. what, is there something wrong?

onward!

argh!! no poems during times like now!

2010-06-06T02:03:00.000+08:00

yay! distracted from studying!

just finished my question for data sheet and that formal report that took me a week to complete. well, it's the longest (15 pages wtf with calibri 12, smallest spacing) formal report i've churned out so i guess it's not too bad.. haha

think i'll grab my materials science notes and go downstairs (yes it's 2 in the morn now) so i can study and smell the good, good night air.

had my first session being a skates instructor today. sadly no pay wtf. i'll only get paid for tmr. here's hoping i'll get paid for today tomorrow. i'm so secretly in-my-heart thanking my dad for getting me a pair of skates when i requested specifically for a gameboy when i was p2. THANKS DAD!!!! :D

2010-06-04T20:00:00.005+08:00

i went tricking at that grass patch since there was no wushu today.

focused on butterfly twists and aerials

i did butterflies at first
then that left legged jump and land butterflies
then i tried the twist itself after watching tutorials

i think i landed one out of ten tries. lol and i think it's not a proper landing cos i felt it all mao-yao-ish and it didn't feel awesome as i think i should. maybe i was aiming for the HIGH btwist cos i definitely did the:

jump + stall for a split sec, then twist.

i think i'll ask coach(es) for his/their opinions. but they'll most likely tell me to do the normal butterflies first.

aerials!

boo it sucked.
i could do the cartwheel and one handed carts there OKAY there, but the aerial was just wtf? the feel isn't even it. i think it's more of psychological factors affecting my performance that physical factors, though they have their part too.

Psycho factors:

I was in twilight darkness, with fluoroscent lamps. the sight and feeling gives me all the lethargy i can ever get in the world.

i was in the park in the evening. the smell also probably. that kind of air.. maybe. (good for any time except doing sports)

i wasn't wearing shoes: i wasn't wearing shoes!

no frens ): : yeah, there goes all that motivation and drive to *impress* wasn't there. so frens are important! :) same goes for coaches

basically training conditions psychologically speaking were mostly not met
yeah, just totally different from the sports hall

physical conditions:

i'm doing on freaking hard soil with dried and spiky grass.
soil: ouch
spiky: irritating
grass: itchy

no 'proper' warm up

hard + bumpy soil = bad for ankles and bad for bad landings.
yeah. speaks for itself.

i wasn't wearing shoes: i wasn't wearing shoes!

ground is tilting to one side.. slightly.
really screws with your equilibrium

basically training conditions physically speaking were mostly not met
yeah, just totally different from the sports hall (without the wushu peeps too)

despite all that, there's one main difference with the carpet and grass patch.
i see my strainer slightly clogged with itty bits when i bathe. haha except the carpet is red and the grass patch is black and a little green.

and i have to finish my environmental studies report tonight! sat and sun gonna spend my time revising. though 3 - 6 on those days i'll have to go teach skating! (yeah i got an offer. probably that's cos they're short of staff) 50bucks for 3 hrs :3 i think it's skateline.

hooray to money! :D

ultimate anti-social combo. perfect for keeping convo predators at bay.

2010-05-31T23:55:00.004+08:00

Very simple. You will definitely need this:

and ONE of these:

OR

NO! You CAN'T have both simultaneously unless you have one of these:

But just in case, get it anyway even if you don't have both.

Yeah.

2010-05-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling indifferent to most things around me now. things that i'd usually care, i wouldn't. addition of redundant remarks and smileys in chats also ignored. i'm also not having that 'looking forward to' feeling i'd usually have on sundays and thursdays nights cos there's training the next day. and i'm also not keen on going into fine details and making this blog post longer.
why?
dunno
dun care

indifferent

2010-05-25T00:13:00.003+08:00

today's environmental studies' experiment went quite smoothly. didn't get scolded by dr lim, unlike the previous groups. we learnt from their mistakes! xD

three straight lectures.. oh yeah i'm supposed to do a tut. :l boo

had rice and red bull (not together!) before leaving for clubhouse.

sing hai was in there doing logistics stuff. i discussed with him that when it is time to elect for new committee members, we ought to have more than one logistics guy. and i waited in there for my stomach to feel normal.

~~~~~~~
training!
~~~~~~~

upon walking up to the sports hall, i spotted them already stretching their right legs. so i auto go run and stretch (together this time) i was surprised how much i could run.. cos running is my worst, next to sit ups. guess the trick was to really occupy your mind with something else.. let's say homework.. stretching.. wushu.. my handsome/pretty face.. etc.etc. :) and not count how many rounds you ran.

i wanted to go some more to see my limit but thought better to go stretch with them.

did extraordinarily more tornadoes today. static tornadoes especially. i did till i pulled my right arm muscle. near where the armpit is. my left shoulder joint was already stucky thanks to training with the broadsword. so i don't think i've trained optimally. it used to be my legs.. now arms? haha..
wonder when i'll get nicenice tornadoes ):

during 'combination of two (or more) high-levelled moves', i did bai lian + front sweep! weeee!!! though it's kinda sketchy but, well.. yeah :)

i completely have to re-train my carts. my aerials are getting screwy. think it's cos i was impatient and rushed into the move without thinking about technique. same for my bai lian. there were only two days where i did the nicest bai lian and nicest aerials ever (on two separate days). D:

think perhaps on the day if/when i get my 720 tornadoes, i still won't be satisfied cos by the time on the next training session, i might just loose them.. :l sadded

on the way home, i practiced more tornadoes.. until i decided my arm would rip off if i do it one more time. and stair-hopped up. :3

2010-05-23T01:09:00.002+08:00

cycled to training.

coach ky told me to do my setup for the tornadoes properly by not hopping into it. i think it sorta worked a little, but i'm really comfortable with the hop in it. guess i'll just have to drill till it becomes comfy.

did the worst bai lians today. i think it's cos i rushed into the move, hence not being able to swing my leg through as it should, and it got a little stucky.

i really should take a vid of myself doing butterflies, cos it feels nice and awesome and everything, but i dunno whether it looks nice.

on the way back from training, i met izzuddin!!!! :D

upon meeting eyes, we excited-girl-screamed a bit and hugged. caught up a little and gave him my number.. he didn't save from the old phone? -.-

rode my way home and i'm eating my mum's over-done chicken rice.

2010-05-21T23:36:00.003+08:00

don't think i'll have the mood for training tomorrow. but maybe.. just maybe, i'll go for the sake of going.. and perhaps subsequent trainings as well.

seems like my max for jump twists today was 2 and 1/4 rounds, with sketchy landing cos i can't control.

i stepped on manfred's specs from the landing. damn

hope they aren't too expensive. :l

i suck.

2010-05-20T12:50:00.002+08:00

DAMMITTTTT!!!!!!!!!

MSN!
FACEBOOK!
INTERNET!
TUMBLR! (a little)
BLOGGER!

ALL DISTRACTING MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHGSAFASKSLVXKK D:<

I THINK I'LL OFF MY WIFI UNLESS NEEDED UNTIL END OF MST!! GRR!! (that means no blogging too)

2010-05-19T22:53:00.001+08:00

i'll be blunt and straightforward: I Need a hardworking girlfriend so that I'll be motivated to be hardworking as well.

That's all.

2010-05-19T02:33:00.003+08:00

ever had those times where you 'suddenly' realise how good looking you are in front of the mirror?

i've just had one of those times right about to brush my teeth.

everyone has their masculine and feminine sides be it inside or outside.

it's like my masculine inside fell in love with my feminine outside and feminine inside fell in love with my masculine outside... i'm falling in love with myself! xD

gawd it rawks to be androgynous! :D

PS: wanted to take a pic of me on the webcam but the webcam always make me look ugly.. so forget it. :l

2010-05-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

rode to school. ignored what i think are awkward glances from ppl.

9am class cancelled. so class started at 12.

slept for a bit during ocrm.

went for training

i 'skipped' capt's ball as i was late.. like every monday i would be.

fadhil took us for basics; coach eugene took the juniors outside

did an aerial and somehow linked it to a roll from a slack landing.. haha
and then i lost my aerial feel shortly after.. it has become sideflippish again. "¬_¬

coach ky came and took us for dao. had to borrow half a shuang from yikeng as there weren't enough and caused him his training. :l sorry ah

getting a little impatient with myself as i'm struggling to keep up with the rest of the dao ppl. like form and all that not good. what to do? practice lor. but i'm also afraid i might practice and practice the wrong form as there isn't coach to supervise. i'll just practice first and see how.

also debating with myself whether was it a good thing that playing with the weapons in the past caused me to be 'poisoned' by wrong technique.. or has it given me the feel of them?

rode home after that. saw a bonfire on the way and some ppl praying or smth.

need to wake up damn early so i wun be late. haha.. only a couple hours left. :l

night.

mst in couple weeks' time. damn. better start getting them tutorials done!

2010-05-16T00:28:00.007+08:00

a few 'first time evahhss!!!' in my life happened today!

cycling to and from school
seriously, i've NEVER done that before. only skated haha
but it's for training and it's a sat. does it count?

tompang-ing ppl on bike!
i have the utmost inconfidence in myself to lompang ppl. very scary. especially if they get hurt or smth due to my fail then.. ): yeah.

first it was Li Yan. i SERIOUSLY wonder how and where she found all that trust (or maybe it's her courage/daring) in me that i won't fall and injure her or smth. thnx for the experience! next time tell me if u want tompang, i put cusion on that metal thing.. haha xD

then it was sing hai.. it failed cos 2 tall guys (k maybe i'm not that tall but.. nvm) on an auntie bike = fail.

and then it was suhui.. yikeng was all 'OI!' when she said she wanted.. and i was all.. -awkward moment- looking at them both with perhaps *the worrisome face* face. and yikeng gave the green light. i wanted to let yikeng do it as you know..
i scared of girls with boyfriend one. :l

we are starting to learn routines for the grand performance! did basics for dao. had a little trouble as i didn;t learn it before.. but now i'm learning it! kewl! :D haha i know dao and jian now :p

weixiang did some awesome spin-thing with 2 pudaos!

i cycled back home and took the deserted road. love the night air.. that smell reminded me strongly of malaysia (at night also).
deserted + night = my kind of place

and here i am, eating a large bowl of mum's spaghetti. yum. <3
total expenditure for today: $0! i love you, bike!

2010-05-15T12:14:00.001+08:00

i guess i slept off suicidal-emo. feeling.. normal now. can't wait for training (or maybe just cycling to training), but also dunno whether can or not.

sigh.

2010-05-15T00:10:00.003+08:00

~~~~~~~
training
~~~~~~~

i can almost front splits on both sides now. just like 1cm off the ground or smth.
i realise every post regarding training.. there's always 'almost this', 'almost that'. when will i ever get it? not that i'm impatient, but just losing hope in myself.

did mega-basics with juniors. i can see that i've lost them cos' i was already straining from horse and bow stances (ma bu, gong bu). my palm has never been straight and proper as it should, despite really straining till my forearms hurt from the lactic acid build-up..

collected application forms from amir.. only. seems like he's the only one who brought. :l
slacked much.. skipped the basic kicks and felt guilty.. went to do jumps

xfj-ed. coach ky said.. nearly there nearly there.. but i'm just too beat to make my leg kick through qucikly..

bai lian-ed. i've lost the nicenice-feel bai lian i once had.
landed one badly and hurt my right heel.

bf-ed. dunno what to say la

fj-ed. slacked through it due to shin splints. felt shitty not being able to do my best.

ckf-ed. slacked it much as my energy was sapped. i was told that i was throwing my torso too much down.

despite drinking TWO red bulls CONSECUTIVELY, i was just wasted. my legs were trembling a little even before joining in for training.

i was jio-ed to go train tmr.. don't know whether i should. :l
i'll have to cycle to school cos i've got no money left in card and i'm not willing to spend my remaining ten. what if it rains? damn i didn't think about that..

i was playing with 2 daos as shuangs and was doing that crazy swingthing and coach ky told me not to do it as i may get poisoned by wrong technique. quite demoralising.

went back with a wandering mind. forced myself to one-leg hop up.

i guess my right leg is almost completely busted. i'll list my injuries

- hurt (a bit) hip flexor (kua) from xfj
- shin splint from mostly fei jiao and prerequisites
- hurt heel from poor landing of bai lian
- hurt foot from poor braking while running during capt's ball and maybe also cos i dropped half a shuang dao on my bare foot

the only thing that's left are my knee and thigh.

new trick i learnt today: throw (with spin) shaungs and catch simultaneously. not all the time, not perfect.

~~~~~~~~~
emo season
~~~~~~~~~

i'm feeling suicical-emo right now. don't know why. it's probably seasonal or something. just. suicidal. negative.

feel like quitting wushu.. but probably i might regret it later when i'm off-season.

i feel like talking to someone about this.. but i don't want to also.
cos when u share your problems with someone, in my eyes, i'm just as good as begging for attention and begging for someone to make me feel better, begging for praise and all that.
(BUT!!!!! it's totally FINE to share your problems with me. i won't think that way. really. i like to counsel.)

though naturally for some, they may think it's completely fine that way.. but not for me.

just feel like going to some totally deserted place and like.. cry there or something. cry over literally nothing. like in space.. where it's just you and nothing else. no one else.

but i also realised, if i really quit wushu and cut connections with friends.. i'm technically begging for their concern. cos they'll think like 'where joel go, where joel go' something like that.

same goes for suicide. cutting seem like the closest thing to suicide without the 'begging'. i'll just hope that i 'accidentally' cut myself with the swords. using a razor to intentionally cut is just.. too expected. i guess i'm afraid of pain too. i realise it's not scary or anything when you accidentally cut yourself or something, cos you're not expecting it. whereas if you're expecting to be cut, natually you'll be more defensive, thoughts and emotions spreading like wildfire.

Currently: State of confusion
Conclusion: Suicidal, still.
Feel like: grabbing skates and skate around, alone some unknown street, blasting songs with melacholic melodies. real. melancholic.

didn't mean to reveal so much/at all. now it seems like i'm begging YOU (yes you, the reader, thnx for reading anyways) for attention and concern. i hate to owe, so please don't try to make me feel better cos i'll just feel worse. kthnxbai, sorry for being blunt. i'll be fine with relation to T, time. haha graphsss

2010-05-11T00:05:00.003+08:00

~~~~~~
school
~~~~~~

walao sian.. i got a formal report already. and i'm not EXACTLY sure what that experiment was about also. except to test the concentration of lead in the air. when the lab tech showed us a filter paper with a BLACK patch of about the size of an A4 paper. she said this is roughly the amount of particulates we breathe in everyday... BUT not to worry! cos our lungs do some mumbojumbohocuspocusthingamageek and we ain't rolling 'round the floor, suffocating on particulates and dying like on the 2nd day of birth.

anyway, after the prac, three straight different lectures. it's a miracle i was attentive for all of them. but whether anything remained in my head is another story. only fell asleep when a teacher was late.

~~~~~~
training
~~~~~~

i know it must be super sian to read the same things in almost every post. so i'll TRY to cut short

today the juniors got to stretch on the rails and we helped them. we didn't get to stretch.. boo hoo

i was too cold for splits but tried doing them anyway.. well almost reach the ground. D:
in hopes to motivate the juniors. well it's like a double-edged sword, either motivate them or demotivate them, depends on how and what they think.

juniors then went outside, led by coach eugene and we did our basics.
did basic kicks.. and ALL of their variations.. well except for the li he + wai bai.

first jump kick was tornadoes. coach ky said to do tornadoes first as it's the most difficult and it's necessary. did the basic jump-spin before that.. i could have went 900 in one jump! i noticed i sort of spinned too much mid air and stopped at 720 WITH SOME distance between my feet and the ground! ARRGHHH D:< 1080, anyone? xD

bai lian.. i've lost that one time where it was straight and nice.. i could see AROUND as i spun with the kick! now i can't boohoo.. well i'll only have to get it back by trial and error (like most of my things)

butterflies!
i don't think it's as brilliant as before with my old set-up.. but well i gotta use the new set up or i'll get mega-minused points for routines and that will not look good on my scores. ):
ai ee ai ee ai you're my little butterfly! green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! ahahaha

cartwheels/aerials
was made to do them many times up and down ma
so first time was normal carts.
then the second i did jumping one handed carts
and the third.. yilun encouraged me to do aerials.. and I DID THEM OMG!! (i was omg-ing when i got the response from yilun, jian siong and friends) i even landed them WITHOUT almost breaking my leg! i can say it felt like a clean execution.. but don't know whether the technique is there. oh well :l
congrats to suhui on her aerials too! :D

and finally fei jiao
i noticed this is the ONLY thing that makes me get shin splints!
RIGHT FROM the basics of that (jumping with left leg swinging), right BEFORE i jump, the pain is already there! :O

and the pain x1.5 when i do a real fei jiao, which lands on the kicking leg.
HOW DO I TREAT THEM PERMANENTLY?! D:< i'm so SICK of it! ARRGHGG zzt

did a bit of jing sai
a bit of san duan
helped kim a bit on the jian
grading's in 4-5 weeks' time, i hope he can and i hope i don't forget my regrading san duan too
rolled abit

first time coach ky train us and i wasn't dead tired nor thirsty. must be the red bull..

after training, we went back. wei xiang keeping smth from me.. :l
then also like out-of-the-blue gimme weird weird answers.. :l
hope he's ok.. (did i do or didn't do smth?)

went back with siong siong and kimmy on 147. played with my FAVOURITE CAT that's ALWAYS on the park in some area. it's mew is SOOO heart-warming and you can really feel resonance in your heart area. gosh i really wanna keep that cat, but parents.. sigh. i wanna hug it and give it all my love too! ^_^v KITTY!!! well there goes my soft spot haha. kissed it twice on its head and left.. as we looked at each other like lovers. well i do love that cat. >.<

one-legged hopped up. got a weird look from a SMOKER along the way and gave him a piercing look back right into the eyes and he looked away. hope he got stabbed real hard and deep in the.. dunno where la.. haha

went back.. charged my dead phone and blahblah.. the bacon my mum made smelled MUCH like honey omg it's sooo good! my aunt went back btw D':

oh well

k bye

2010-05-09T16:02:00.002+08:00

just came back from the FOcamp and found my third aunt in my house! yay! she's a happy and bubbly person, anyone would like her! :D

anyway the camp.

~~~~~~~
camp
~~~~~~~

i didn't do anything much in the camp.
just floated around with liyan on the first night. talked much. mostly meaningless things. haha
we were desperately trying to past time.

my abrasion (which i got last friday) at my upper thigh got worse. told liyan about it and i used the word 'crotch'. hope she didn't get the wrong idea... ._.

went back to bunks. they watched iron man and i tried to sleep. after some minutes i couldn't take the cold and the noise anymore, i went to the clubhouse with much pain there to get the powder for my abrasion. as i stepped in, i heaved a sigh of relief and locked the door. got the powder at the desired place and set up my laptop, googling quick methods to treat abrasions. apparently none were quick. i lied on the couch and it felt heavenly. i thought to myself 'might as well just sleep here. get up in the morning quick and rush back before anyone notices'.

searched and downloaded an alarm clock program to wake me up cos i forgot to bring my phone with me.

round ten, sing hai came in. there goes my secret. oh well nevermind. my alarm rang few minutes later. didn't need the alarm afterall.

went back to the bunk with my lappy, powder and the chinese fans (in case the amazing race station ICs need them) and stayed there. was told to go to t12 and have brunch, but told them i couldn't and weixiang kindly brought up my rice. (:

stayed there for a long time. amazing race started and asked liyan who replaced me as GL. edwin or smth, an alumni member did.

alvin, jing xiu, shi min and raymond came into the bunk. watched movies with the projector. watched monga halfway and watched sherlock holmes. sherlock holmes was worth watching in the cinemas.. darn it!

and it was , time for dinner. they went jurong point while weixiang and i stayed in the bunk. jeez.
they came back. watch ip man and the mummy 3. and it was tom and jerry. tom and jerry ftw! and finally meet the spartans.
slept at the ending

woke, brushed teeth for the first time in camp. went around. played a little cnc and dmc. packed up, debriefed, went back to clubhouse to return stuff. played with weaps. went to sumo-house talked. went back and here i am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
conclusion for the camp
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

all i did was
- floater for night walk
- played some tom and jerry and some movies
- finished leftovers
- cleared up the bunk

didn't talk or 'bond' with the first years at all during camp.

~~~~
er..
~~~~

blue and meaningless

suhui said 'ask yourself why you joined wushu when u feel demoralised'
i asked myself and i answered myself, but i still feel as demoralised. why?
my existence in wushu seems meaningless

well k nvm bye

2010-05-06T23:14:00.003+08:00

): feeling blue again.

feel like giving up this lousy life of mine

and.. be a lonely farmer only with faithful Scruffles by my side.

yeah yeah Scruffles was invented. there's no Scruffles. though when/if i get a dog i'll name it that!

wish i had a dog or a cat.. ):

geez i feel so lonely. so full of void. wow i just used an oxymoron!
maybe it's cos i'm reminded of those days now

i'll go emo in a corner and mutilate myself or smth.

2010-05-04T01:30:00.003+08:00

i was just informed that only 4 ppl have die-die signed up for FO Camp.

this is damn depressing i could cut myself. but i wouldn't intentionally and over this.

i think the FO Camp was a little short-noticed and rushed for the juniors. i mean, the next time we see them will be the day itself. there won't be jio-ing in-between and all that. i guess setting FO Camp early would either work very well or won't work. let's hope the needle on the gauge suddenly turns 'work very well'

damn i'm blogging again.

Update: now there's about 13 people going after Direct Confrontations a.k.a. phone calls. yay!

2010-05-04T00:14:00.004+08:00

i wanna blog about today but i haven't got time for it + my class starts at 8 tmr ( + i'm pretty tired)!

drank red bull and ate 3 bananas in total to loosen my tight thighs. still tight from friday.

i was radiating heat like never before during training i felt like i was in a bubble of flame. woo.

my shirt was comparable to big raymond's! hahahaha

i'm getting my front splits already! no idea how come i could go extra low today. must be the juniors.. hahaha. must 'act enthu' ma.. or maybe their presence made me really enthu

basics were extra tiring despite being coach eugene taking us. i think he enthu also. lol!

after taht was break time. taught kim a little on the jian taolu. coach ky also gave us a talk about being bonded as committee members or every year's will just get shittier.

practised my san duan chang quan once and practised my jing sai chang quan a couple times, focusing more of those lun shou moves + little hops and chaining of this with that. asked liyan for help in one point. i fianlly got it down. Thanks, Li Yan!!!!!!! :D (sorry for bothering you lolol :p)

we kept the carpet and i talked a little too much with a newbie. showed him that wushu stuff can help you in other things too and i demonstrated a front handspring. it was i guess the best i've ever done. i was already upright BEFORE i landed and staggerred forward a little. lol motivation! xD

went back with jian siong and kim. bought me milk.. yay milk! and a can of hello panda! yay panda! yay meiji! :D
bought my sis and i food. (hers had a worm in it. so i had to buy. ew)

parents won't be in till friday, when i'm gone from camp. hahaa

oh shit.. blogged a little too much

kbai

2010-05-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

environmental studies with lim choon siew really is just emphasis on a few points. quite a drag imo, but not powerful enough to put me to sleep. though there were sometimes where he brought out current issues and discussed them.

~~~~~~
cca drive
~~~~~~

we got about 50 people! yay!
now there's another problem..
how the heck are we gonna squeeze them all in the club room, assuming that they are die-hard enthusiasts? hahahaaaaa
but definitely there will be the weak or the busy ones who will quit halfway, or maybe don't even turn up for the first 'trial' training session.
i can't say for sure though, cos i don't last year's statistics. :l

after that we packed up and went to clubhouse. i then went alllll the way to fc 2 to get me some cheap rice. 2.60 for 2 meat, 1 veg and an egg. saw cynthia, an ex-sch mate of mine and said hi.

went back to clubhouse with a stitch in my side and asked to leave the door open for me as i waited for my food to digest.

~~~~~~
training
~~~~~~

exhausting basics. my cartwheels getting better, gonna be *proper* aerials soon. tornadoes and lotuses too! wee....!

i'm officially learning the new jing sai chang quan, which is an international chang quan routine. you can say it's something like everyone in singapore taking o levels kinda thing.

i think i'm learning at a rather slow pace. as i told liyan this, she said i was 'quite fast'.. O_o hmm
well, i think i got the silhoutte of the first quarter of the routine. just need practise and more observance to get the details down.

coach ky also said smth that my basics were not good. i can agree with that. especially left-legged kicks. they feel shorter and harder.. and less relaxed than the right. need to drill my basics. and of course 'ji bu'. there are quite a few of those in the routine.

after official training and we've rolled the carpets. i went to practice my san duan chang quan (which i failed by a miserable 0.2 for grading) at the back, being afraid that once i learn the new routine, i might forget the old one. i still remember wu bu quan though! xD

i then also went to practice parts of the new routine at the back and i've been spotted by coach ky! :O and then he said smth to hui ying and they both looked at me.. and i responded like.. hi :D and went behind a pillar. lol

we then got our things down.. yuan ching chased raymond with the ball and somehow it flew downdowndowndowndown into the darkness which is the drain and we all had a good laugh xD

as they were keeping the stuff in the clubhouse, i told to leave without me as i would be taking the other direction anyway and slacked in clubhouse. went outside to practice the new routine thrice in total and went to play with the dual swords too.

managed to chain the forward slice-n-dice with the backward slice-n-dice and vice versa. now it can go on forever hahaha. also practiced that dual crazy sword swinging thingamageek a little and tried to make up some chained moves for it. they're still in beta stage i guess?

finally left for home.

~~~~~~
er..
~~~~~~

this is the section where i say random stuff..

i'll start by:
now with the new syllabus for second year (i'm talking academics here). i have more work time and can literally feel the stress. i live with that thought of 'something's not done' almost everywhere i go, whatever i do. got three datasheets a week and of course to revise and to pull up that abysmal gpa.

on top of that, i also have club issues to settle. things like writing proposals and that cca-point-awarding sheet thing. meeting terence(the sports head in sp or smth) for this and that. asking terence for this and that. checking gmail to see whether he replied. talk some more. club events and more planning of this and that. club meetings.. so on.. and of course, training itself.

now my time for leisure has gone to a near zero. when i'm not training, nor studying, nor doing admin work for club, nor watching weekly episodes of naruto, nor eating and nor everyday things, i should be asleep.

though i'm not complaing about the added workload from wushu. (i can't imagine how suhui, my upline, manages) the added workload has caused me to feel a little stressed with all the things i Need to do. meaning like.. 'after i'm done with this proposal, i should start on my materials science or smth'. so you can say it's positive stress. i think without wushu, i might be wasting the time playing and procrastinating.. haha.

well k that's all.
naruto time!

2010-04-28T23:08:00.002+08:00

i'm getting a fever! weee!! and it's only second week!! weee!!

-.-
"¬_¬

feeling all so pissy...
caught in between whether to turn up for school tomorrow only for prac or to not skip them lectures. i need that gpa to go up! T~T

oh well i'll decide tmr morning

2nd week of yr2

2010-04-27T00:42:00.004+08:00

woke up with a jaw problem. if i shifted my jaw slightly to the left while opened, it would hurt at the joint. i tried to make it click, having that kind of feeling that it could and would, to fix it but resulted in unnecessary pain. i still have that feeling it could and would click though. like putting the jaw back on the hinges.

I was rather prepared for school today. I packed my things the night before and put everything in place so they'd be on-the-way as I made my way to the bathroom. I took a shorter time to bathe too. They're all the things I wouldn't have done on a normal day.

First thing on my timetable was Process Instrumentation tutorial or PROINS. lol like groins. hahaaa...
the tutorial for the first chapter was pretty straight forward. no bends nor around-the-bush beating yet. i took some notes on the ones i didn't understand more. good boi right? :D nah it's a pretty standard thing for *drastic* GPA improvement.

Then it was a 2hr break before the next class. i bought some rice and chowed it down quick as i gotta be at the swimming pool office to collect the tablecloth for cca booth for cca drive.

i went to the swimming pool's building with the gym and couldn't find that office. i then sms-ed yilun, fadhil, liyan and suhui about its whereabouts. about 5mins yilun and fadhil replied! beside subway lol.. i passed that place without noticing. i Never knew it was there. nono.. i Never knew it existed. lol! so i grabbed the tablecloth and asked whether there was only purple and i got a 'duh' answer from that david goh guy and some kinda glare from another guy in there. i just walked out pretending to be embarrassed. once i shut the door behind me, i put on a straight face and walked to the clubhouse.

i dumped the tablecloth on the table. wrote a message on the board 'The tablecloth is on the um.. table. Yeah.'. Then played with the dual boradswords for a while. while that, some china-guy in formal wear asked me some qns pertaining wushu. i answered with some difficulty cos it's all chinanese. T~T and i played with the dual straightswords later. i went back inside, attempted a tutorial and read up on my practical manual. i left the clubhouse at 1145 after a bit of eye shut.

the practical was okay. good thing we got good results that prevented re-doing. whew. three more lectures after that. i was half asleep in one of them as it really was a drag. that kind of sleep where you still can Hear the teacher, but your eyelids are glued shut.

after the three lectures were my meal and training. after my meal and before training, i went to moberly to return the dance room key.

training was at t11a today and was quite interesting. the cheerleading squad were there too! :D
played like a cramped captain's ball with many people. stretched and stretched. haha. kinda showed the cheerleading people IN THEIR FACES that wushu owns them anytime! xD we did our splits and stuff on the cold hard floor while they did it on some jigsaw foam mats. my knees hurt ):

kim is back! yay! more lame shit to go around! yay lame shit! yay!!!! :D

did some unfamiliar things for our basics today. like the tkd-style triple turning kick + a sweet chin music. backsweep + frontsweep. front slapkick + outside right crescent on the same leg. and then coach eugene explained to us that at our level right now, we should be practising stuff like these.

after the basics, i got me a drink and practised some jump kicks. one-handed cartwheels with sword in right. tornadoes. lotuses. butterflies. san duan chang quan. flying kick + tumble once (it hurt my shoulders). noticed these three girls sitting on the benches quite a bit away looking at my direction. looking at me? haha! xD but seriously as i glanced at her many times to see whether she was looking at me or just my direction.. it seems to me her eyes were following me like a panther looking at it's still-moving meal. O_o

later coach eugene explained that i shouldn't train jumps there and said that at this period, we should be training physical more to improve our high-levelled moves and taolu, else we get injured from the one-legged jumps and landings like butteflies and aerials. which i quite agree cos i was massaging my shin-splinted shin. lol

then observed a cheerleader girl getting her backflips spotted by this big meaty guy. i want that too!! D: no not the big meaty guy but the backflips. (:

and when our training session ended i played with two different broadswords simultaneously. coach zhiyong said i was high.. well i sort of was anyway. must be the factor that is 'cheerleaders' that made me become more serious in training today. lol! i hope we have people like them lingering around as we train in future! haha! xD

went home, took the bus with kim and jian siong. made up stupid pokemon jokes.
took the lift up to my storey and took it back down after remembering i was supposed to hop up.
right-legged hopped up and practised splits while i fb-ed and watch a stupid variety show on my sis' lappy.

and now i'm here. hi.

bye

PS: my psp is spoilt i think forever as my methods of fixing which worked many times in the past has finally failed. (tapping that PS logo hard 5 times; almost as good as smashing it on the floor). think i'll get me a psp slim after i have the money and the feel when i think i can before they affect my grades.

PPS: i also need to get my phone fixed as i'm stuck with it for another two years due to contract renewal. no music for me... ):

2010-04-25T01:22:00.003+08:00

The Grad Night was a success!!!

Had so much time laughing till our jaws hurt!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I would like to thank EVERYONE for making the grad night such a success!!

2010-04-24T01:19:00.002+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Reunion of Blood and Rose
They're the things I like the most
No don't think of zombies and ghosts
Because I don't mean any of those

Let me tell you the story
Of why I like these things gory
Well actually not just the gore
But maybe something more

The Blood is from the Hurt
What a cut vein would spurt
I played with fire and got burnt
Pretty much as when she turned

The Hurt is from the Love
Adolescents fall into that trap
Like a captured and caged Dove
Their wings might never flap

The Love that is Rose
No it's not her name
I hope again not to be in those
For I might be hurt in the flame

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think it was a little corny. Yeah I made up the lines as I went along and I just had to make them rhyme. This poem doesn't sound emo to me at all. ): *Emos*

But I guess I got my point across. Hah.

2010-04-16T03:30:00.002+08:00

when having an infatuation, you feel that person is the one for you.

but after some time, you'd curse yourself for doing stuff for that person in this unappreciated and one-sided affair, let alone thinking he/she was the one for you.

and then, you're afraid to even 'like' someone, expecting to be treated the same.
well, even if you do like someone, you'd be silently hoping that he/she would initiate conversation/activity first. hey, of course you don't want your pride to be crushed and stepped on all over again.

it's funny how people think each other were the ones for them. in this huge world, i don't believe that no two people have the same personality.

hmm where am i going? ok nvm i don't know how to continue. not interested in continuing anyway. oh me? i was just reminiscing. somehow it led to here.

Come to think of it.. was probably that that changed me. from a sanguinistic person to a melancholic one. I'm having an inspiration for a poem, but I can't finish it.

Key Phrases

Reunion of Blood and Rose
The Blood from the Hurt
The Hurt from the Love
The Love that is Rose

i'll need to think a little longer. probably by the next post.

2010-04-15T02:06:00.001+08:00

9 in the morn, my dad woke me and asked me to go fishing with him.. sadly i had to reject him cos of my events later. and then he turned around without a word as i fell back to sleep the next second. felt AWFULLY guilty man.. wanted to cancel my appointment with weixiang they all so i can spend time with my dad. this would be the last chance to have quality time with him for 8 weeks la, and i passed it. :(

i then left bed at 1115 after tossing around in it the last 20 mins. turned on my comp and discussed with eliza the gems thing. well.. she asked me to take gems with her some days back. so i ok lor. bathed and discussed abit more. left house at 1150. i'll be late as usual. as usual.

reached city hall at 1220. that's pretty late innit? was supposed to be there by 12. oh well.. what are you gonna do, joel? late for everything else the rest for your life? late for exams, NS, wedding (if it's gonna happen), anniversary, big meetings, work affairs, retirement and probably death? hahaha

from there we walked to bras basar and had lunch. we then went to some special printing shop to print stuff regarding grad night.
then we walked to bugis somewhere there and bought some more grad night things. i was prompted by fellow companions to make choices and/or decisions since i was the 'overall head' for the event and the IC for the even wasn't there. had to plan out the decors as well.. which i totally forgot about and hence wasn't ready for it. so many things forgotten. ._. i'm beginning to question myself whether i'm cut out to be a position holder or be just a follower. hey, at least being a follower you don't have to care so much about this and that. probably the main thing i worry most about is failure. just like i failed to be a filial son to my dad and accompany him. :l

if you were wondering, yeah i feel like i've hit rock-bottom right now.
while discussing the decors in KFC and as i just looked around absentmindedly.. and as i saw liyan, weixiang and fadhil discussing importantly as i just sort of semi-stoned and as singhai slept on the table, i thought to myself 'hey man, why aren't you discussing with them? why aren't you leading them as you're supposed to? you're not doing your job.. you're gonna let people down man.' and then i thought to myself some more 'let people down..', the next word that came to my head bolded on a white background 'Expectations'. why will you let people down? because you fail to meet their expectations. they'll lose confidence in you in time to come and will just shunt you aside in their minds labelled 'unreliable', or 'carbon copy', something like that. i felt like just saying 'aiya whatever la.. just do can already la. don't think anymore..', and felt like just passing on the responsibility to someone else. i didn't care who, just as long as it's off my shoulders. and then a wild thought struck and left my head like lightning. 'quit'.

quit. quitting is a cowardly and irresponsible approach to problems. mind i wouldn't even approach a problem that way. although it'll free you of troubles temporarily, you'll also label yourself as such for the rest of your life, if you have guilty conscience, which i think you can clearly tell by now i have quite a lot.

after that flash of a thought, i began to feel low that might have led to now.

anyway, after the discussions, we went to some party stall and bought some balloons. i had to pay 10 bucks :'(
and we went to toa payoh's popular to buy more stuff like colour paper and staples. i had to pay.... again. )':

at then, i had an epiphany. 'when you have money, quickly get something you really desire. as the money will just be used for food and other small little things which you won't take much notice until you have none left'

while browsing the bookstore, i came upon punchcards and more office material. i felt sick to the gut at the sight of those. honestly being the low i already was, i felt even lower. i asked weixiang out loud what he felt when i showed it to him, which i forgot what but i rmb it was rather neutral. i then told him 'i feel tied down, enslaved and miserable'. i then told them my views of an office career.

imagine this every weekday 9 - 5. you walk into a cubicle and start work. your personal things scattered about and your work things in piles. everyday paper work. everyday mundane activities. telephones ringing in the distance and the blacksheep of the office being yelled at by the guy that is feeding him, you and the people adjacent to you. you could be next eh. just like waiting to strike lottery, except you wouldn't want to strike it. so i told them i die die won't ever work in an office.

after that, we went to play an hour of pool before meeting up with some of them.
we ate and went back for more pool. had to wait bloody long for tables. while that, we all played on the machines, spot the difference. got 2nd, 3rd and 4th on the top scores.. we were always at least 1 or 2 pictures away from getting the top.

xingyan then left before we even started as it was too late then.
we finally had tables and played till we were able to catch the last train back. woah.. super lucky.
came back and here i am, typing this and feeding on stone-cold leftovers.

life sucks

2010-04-13T00:22:00.007+08:00

went to training with a sore abdomen. so sore i can't even bend back. ):

the night before i put the salonpas thing.. only to realise in the morning i didn't put the gel. ._.
well what can i say? it's my FIRST time using that

this morning i ripped off the sticker and used the gel on a new sticker.. the wrong side of the gel. ._._.
i then pulled it out and slapped it on my stomach. nth doing. and i just used the slightly ruined sticker over it. oh well.. it's my SECOND time using it.. haha

went to school. intended to settle my citizenship stuff, but it seems that i need a photocopy of this and that, so i planned to do it tmr. went to see this mr david lee guy on behalf oh suhui, my club prez. he said the same thing to me he said to suhui. smth about the fingers, swords and hand positioning about the advertisement picture and i just.. mm ah orh. after that i called her and well.. had an awkward moment in which idk what to do but listen.

went to clubhouse and saw sing hai's slippers outside! yay! no need to wait! :D let sing hai try a little of monster hunter while i went up to eat. came back and he quest failed lmao. but it's okay since there's no save and monster hunter is quite hard to get at first. complained to sing hai about my ab hurt and he advised me to eat more to recover faster.. which had a point. it struck me like gold, like epiphany. wow trust a food and nutrition student to forget this. so far i've been having only one meal a day for the most of the holidays and i noticed (well sort of) that my energy output > input. which might explain my suggish recovery

went outside and played with weaps. dao, then jian, then lots of shuang dao. then a little of three-sect staff. made up new hack-and-slash moves for shuang dao. involves quite a bit of spinning. well... for such weapons i prefer to go wheel and you can see the beautiful windmill-style pattern kinda thing. practised the upward slice-and-dice, the forward slice-and-dice (getting better! getting the rhythm there), the double mad swing things (getting the rhythm too! :D) and made up the left and right hack-and-slash. pretty kewl IMO

also practised dante's from devil may cry dual broadsword moves. kinda liked it. now i'm just learning to chain everything up to one massive spinny combo. might be a taolu itself lmao.

k anyway training. focused on the basics of basics and some technical terms. like using of waist power and stuff like that. coach eugene also used sing hai as a puppet and took him down lmao. sort of like wing chun.. or is it kapap? (kapap is the martial art used by isreali special forces)

after that, was pretty much doing our own thing. big raymond brought down a mattress! practised a couple of fail flips. tried an aerial twist once (ce kong fan 360) and my right knee collided with my left calf.. much hurt ):

at the end, we kept the carpet. i practised one last move on the carpet, which was a small chain combo i thought up. fei jiao + roll. simple right? but the fei jiao you gotta land on the kicking leg itself only, and then roll from there. did it and succeeded! :D and then one of my recent but not that recent injury acted up. the back of my left knee. i can't crouch or put too much pressure on it when it's bent or it'll hurt like crap.

don't think it's gonna recover anytime soon

let's list my current injuries! :D
(technically, i mean I'll list it down.. cos you're just sitting there reading.)

back of left knee
right shin splint.. well a bit
ab hurt
right foot blade.. a little too
cuts here and there from blades lmao
a bruise on my head - pommel of half a shuang dao hit my head while i threw it up lol! an 'adoi!' moment indeed
back hurt when i do tornadoes

i seriously wonder how jian wei can push his body to such a high standard.. :l will i ever get there, or will i just give up like half of the things i do? hmm

after training, went with them to eat at clementi.. and here i am writing all these. i'm eating agn btw. which i'm quite reluctant.. D:

lol

g'night!

2010-04-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

i just watched my san duan chang quan i performed for passerbys during the open house and i feel disgusted.. that was.. me?! O_o

hey! this means improvement! haha xD

2010-04-10T21:13:00.002+08:00

i failed my san duan chang quan by 0.2!!! lololol hahaha

and my jian got 6.2 wth :O that's waaay more than i expected. srsly. expected a 5.5 the most.

i hope i'll get a 6 or hopefully 7 on the re-test. but.. what are the odds? haha

2010-04-10T02:06:00.004+08:00

i was late for the cca briefing and i forgot to collect the card key needed to open the room for supposedly tomorrow's meeting. i'm such a sarcastically responsible person.
though 'they' say it's okay to make mistakes/it's only human to make mistakes, or to fail, but tell me, who wants to fail or make mistakes?

i suck so much.

did 90 sit ups and 120 back ups in total. my sit ups were sluggish.

now the blade of my right foot and the back of my left knee hurts. perhaps wushu is taking it's toll on my body. gonna join the perma-casualty group in time to come.

it sucks to be me. period

2010-04-06T01:27:00.003+08:00

~training~

the basics were focused on jumps

according to coach, my tornadoes are improving.. and i observed jian wei and yi keng.. they don't exactly bend their non-kicking leg at all. i tried it, and could feel some of the magic doing to me! :O think i'll just tweak and fine tune it here and there and i'll be doing mega tornadoes! :D

during jump spins.. i felt like i could go up to 2.5 rounds or maybe even 3..! but i think due to muscle memory or smth i unwrapped at 1.5/2 mid air and turned my way down slowly.. i'll try 2.5 the next time

butterflies..
still can't do it well with the new and supposed set up, but i guess i'm getting the hang of it? idk i prefer my old set up, still. haha

cartwheels
coach told me to progress to diving cartwheels.. wee! i feel that cartwheels are the most relaxed of ALL basics..
you just roll.... not much strength or anything required. roll like you're a wheel of a cart being pushed around in a street market or smth

after the basics

the non-competitors basically got a talk by coach eugene about 'levelling up' before taking up other routines. as our san duan this and that has a level of let's say like.. your floor, and the tradtional(example) routines have a level of (look up..) your ceiling. so we need to do smth in between to close up the gap. then we agreed that i took the new international routine for chang quan. it'll increase my wushu level in terms of routine (which i reaally need lmao)

after that probably i'll try cha quan. i quite like that one.

and then they (eugene and ky coaches) discussed for me to do di tang quan! carpet style zomg!!!!!! it's the routine with flips and friends! FLIPSSS!! That's one of the main reasons i joined wushu.
:l
after a while of thought, i feel that i don't ever want to learn flips.. not because i'm scared of executing them. It's because i'm scared i'll lose interest in wushu just cos i can do a backflip or smth. omg i suddenly feel so depressed. i guess as time progresses i'll try to counter that awful thought. i still wanna learn routines and flips at the same time without losing interest in any.

hmm well good night

2010-04-05T01:03:00.002+08:00

went to work today for a private film maker. he was supposed to make an advertisement for orchard and.. yeah.

there were three hot girls as stars. like duh.
well.. one of them was incredulously pretty.. her eyes and smile at least.
could be due to her best friends Lancome and Loreal. hmm.. but still, she's so pretty!
there's even the sparkle in her eye!
i feel like i could fall in love again!! kyaaa!! >.<
(but i know that's not gonna happen)

after that, James my employer paid me for 6.5 hrs of work
that's $65
cool huh

and i went to the airport to fetch handi
his flight arrival was supposedly 8 oclock
and it delayed several times
to 9.15
and then 10.22
._.

and we went back.. caught up.. blah.. lah..
and i'm here

good night!

2010-04-04T00:16:00.003+08:00

quite an eventful day i had

first, i went to bishan with the thought of 'job interview', but only five minutes was spent.. (i was late, as usual btw). seems like i'm already in the job.. haha

my job is to help a filming crew carry stuff around orchard as they shift from place to place. they're gonna advertise orchard, but i wonder.. who in singapore doesn't know orchard? well perhaps the new attractions at orchard. like the ion thing.. hmm :l
i'll be paid 10/hr x 6
60 for the day.. sweet. (:
but i'd prefer if it were fixed or smth, so there'll be a consistent supply of income

after that brief five minutes, i just strolled 'round junction 8 aimlessly. there was some phone 3G competition and the top prize was a newly launched phone.. dunno what it is.
was tempted to participate at first, since i was REALLY FREE, but being the shy and somewhat proud guy i am, i passed the chance. only half regretting when there were participants already. lol

so after the strolling, i smsed wei xiang, asking him what time he'd be going to school.
after about a few smses, i somehow and indirectly managed to peer-pressure him to go to school.. haha xD

and then i waited in the mrt station for his reply of his sms of where to meet him, he messaged me some 15 minutes later just meet in school. ._.
onto the train i went and played monster hunter
was standing next to this rather cute girl :)
aw cute girl left :(
changed train
more monster hunter
left train and reached school

went to clubhouse and within 5 minutes upon reaching, wei xiang arrived! how coincidental
more mh in club house
slept a bit
saw one of my sec sch juniors, said hi
went to train at some place with reflection
took off my shirt and trained half-naked
liked how i look sexy (my silhoutte at least) with and without my sword in wushu poses
went back
grabbed some food at 7-11
went back
talked
went up
set up carpet
rolled around
stretched and warmed up
got ready for my wushu grading test

wei xiang was first, re-grading his wu bu quan. he NEARLY mixed it up with our san duan chang quan, but was quite unnoticable.

and then after some time, it was me. my san duan chang quan was being graded.
and
i was a nervous wreck RIGHT before it was my turn WTF!
i couldn't breathe properly
my heart was racing
and my feet were upon collapsing
X_x
sort of wanted to ask for a plastic bag to hyperventilate

i made at least three mistakes in the routine. mistakes being collapse upon trembling. :l
felt utterly disappointed
like i've trained long and hard for it, and this is the outcome. just because of nerves. it's just something so stupid/retarded/shitteous/effed-up to screw up for and yet, it's not really in your control either! ugh
and when it was jian time.. well it's much better. i didn't collapse for one, but i did make mistakes due to muscle memory. i was taught the 'supposed' version of the routine only the day before. sort of went in with an empty mind, forgetting fear.

after the grading, we rolled around, lazed and i emo-ed for a while
yi keng told me for the next time, to take a deep breath to calm the nerves before entering. he also said smth like 'if you cannot breathe properly when standing there, you'll be nervous if u just walk in in that state'
then we cleared the carpet and played a little frisbee
and then we were chased out by the FO campers. D:<>:l (determined face)
i shouldn't emo over it! if i fail (which is quite unlikely, but that possibility is still there), i'll just use that anti-nerves tip from yi keng (and maybe bring a plastic bag along lol) and sail along the waves of victory! or smth liddat

good night!

PS: thanks to wei xiang, the little favicon is now changed! yay! :D

2010-04-02T12:32:00.002+08:00

Just finish painting the rest of my room to the symphony that is Moi Dix Mois

My room is now sky blue

How ironic. :l

2010-03-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

wee! the grad night stuff are planned out already! we can finally start working on smth and i can finally concentrate on one thing now.

just typed and sent the meeting minutes

gonna get me a swig of milk and off to retirement i goooo

2010-03-28T15:05:00.002+08:00

A thorn in your side
To you, that I must be
Whatever word of yours I abide
You never appreciated me

A pain in your neck
Perhaps that I am
Whenever I came back
You must feel damned

A sore in your eye
I guess that's that
There's no need for goodbye
As i'm better off dead

2010-03-27T01:01:00.003+08:00

had training, same old..
back hurting from tornadoes.. ugh. i'm deteriorating ):

my sunburnt skin is peeling!
especially during training, i realised white spots on my skin and realised it's my sweat trying to escape.. ew yeah.

i'm moulting! moulting like a lizard! like cicakman!! i hope to be cicakman!
i'm working on the tongue and sticky pads part.

clash of the titans! i'm soo gonna watch!
speaking of which, i haven't watched alice in wonderland.. ):
think if no one wanna go wimme then i'll just have to go watch.. alone. :l

2010-03-25T16:30:00.002+08:00

spent about two hours putting together a playlist of malice mizer songs and it doesn't work. -.-

2010-03-25T04:35:00.001+08:00

as you can see now the title is different by font

and quality

i used ms paint to make it.. so i guess that's why it sucks :l

oh well i'll try again tmr until it's nice and clear

2010-03-25T00:49:00.002+08:00

sigh

once again, i attained shitteous results, but they've improved though. this is the result of procrastination, my number one killer.

i'll start a study habit right now, using my driving theory as platforms. then i'll buck up on my math. i'll complete both semester's math modules during the holidays, so that when school reopens, my maths won't be shitty.

they say a habit takes three weeks of consistency to kick in. perhaps it is likewise for my gaming/time-wasting/idling habit to kick.

i should have a study habit by this holiday and when school reopens, i'll live life with my new habit. haha...

i wonder what about training days... :l
gosh that might be a problem.
think i'll deal with it when the time comes.

2010-03-24T13:46:00.003+08:00

is it me or are two of my classmates tactless?

can't they sense i'm not in the mood and yet doing stuff that causes more wounds.. and doing more stuff comparable to rubbing salt in them.

zz

2010-03-23T03:18:00.003+08:00

i got a sudden urge to post this

i wanna go outdoor camping scout-style. ):

boo hoo

I wanna skate around the streets in the dead of the night, enjoying the night air and awkward glances. ):

boo hoo

i wanna faster recover from all injuries now. ):

boo hoo

i wanna go back training. ):

boo hoo

i wanna go back on the deck of the cruise ship in the dead of night right now ):

boo hoo

i should really stop this and go sleep. ):

well, yeah

2010-03-23T02:09:00.002+08:00

yay! coach eugene finally came back! taught weixiang and i more into our jian routine. i believe the routine is gonna be over.

and then jien wai and raymond took one of the foam mats to practise some choreographed flip that's in their choreographed fight routine. i, of course took the opportunity to practise some flips i've been wanting to do for some time.

i didn't hop my way up cos of the major shin splint from fei jiaos. could hardly jump before i was flipping on the mats.

think i'll sleep now so i won't feel shitty in the morning.. and i can play too! :D

2010-03-21T00:23:00.002+08:00

went for training again today.
yes wushu ftw

was pretty tiring.. wait in fact almost all trainings are.
despite training being tiring, by the time you're walking back to the clubhouse, or are in transport back home, you won't feel as tired and exhausted anymore. you'd also feel it was all worth it.
hey, your physical standings improved, and your mental acumen as well. perhaps it would give one the never-say-die attitude. (though this doesn't happen when i haven't been studying for a test which is only the next day.. wahahaaaa)

~~~~~~~
Training
~~~~~~~

Coach Kim Yong told us about the things standard in every routine. Things like when performing routines, do it for a fighting intent, and not just for the sake of doing it. Also, stomach in, chest out to give that impression that you're full of energy kinda thing, and not sloppy.

then we did the usual, set the carpet, 10 mins of consistent running, stretching and more stretches. first was the butterfly stretch thing. xing yan helped me by standing on my knees and pushing my back forward. it didn't hurt cos i was exposed to this while i had shaolin long time ago. then while doing my left front split, i pulled the tendon in my right knee and gave an audible ARGH. gah.. when will i get it right and finally do it like the girls? :l
finally side splits, coach kim yong helped me by pressing me down and i clutched onto my hair, embracing the pain. T~T

after all that, were the basics. less standing kicks, more jumps. my jumps were a little half-hearted as i was still tired from yesterday. doing it full-heartedly would cause me to crash and not burn, but bruise.

and then it was a total of six full routines of san duan chang quan for wei xiang and i. thank God they're split into sections.

after training, coach kim yong gave some of us an awesome back crack. wow he cracked my upper back, something i wanted to crack for a long, long time. yi lun also cracked a bit of on top yesterday too. and also he gave us a little theory on jumps and jump kicks, specifically bai lian.

then we went back.

i right-legged hopped up again, but skipped some stairs to avoid awkwardness in the presence of other people and also i tripped over a stair.

PS: my hand got cut when i threw up the jian and caught it by the blade cos it rotated slightly.. boohoo ):
nah no biggie

the end
~~~~~

my mouse is still sexy

2010-03-20T00:54:00.004+08:00

quite a number turned up for training today. weee :D

i sorta emo-ed while training though.. cos of the sunburn i got from fishing with my dad on wednesday, and i had to keep slapping the sunburned areas.. T~T

not at optimum = emo a biit

held a small and somewhat informal meeting with a few of the peeps before training regarding graduation night. one might say it went 'alright', but i think it was horrendous.. well i mean, i was horrendous. there was me sharing my suggestions first, like making our own banner, like..

______________________________________
| __ __ |
||武| SP WUSHU GRADUATION NIGHT 2010 |舞| |
|^^ \ /^^ |
| \ / |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

omg i hope this comes out right or i'll put my head through the screen..
nah i won't
yeah it's just the rough design i have in my head.. and right here

and then mostly it's pretty much followed from last year's proposal, programme-wise
walao i felt like i did nth lor, being assigned this task. ugh i'm so fail D:

i thought to have a karaoke session after almost everything, since i noticed many people in this club like singing so much.

then after that we started to look for music videos to learn dances from (it's part of the programme)
we discussed the skit that's in the programme too. i suggested imitating kim yong coach's craze for tornado kicks. lol

and then that was pretty much it :l

training was tough not only due to my sunburn, but the physical training involved.
there were a total of 4.30mins of horse stance, 2mins total of static leg raise at 45deg and 30 crunches sort of thing but you have to raise both upper and lower body, touch your toes while lying down.
for the last one, let's say you're an open book on the desk. someone holds both ends, put them together and open it again, all this with your spine on the desk.

sorta have jellylegitis now lol

kim yong and zhi yong coach are deciding whether or not to let ashley and i to do the choreographed fight. dual swords vs spear. me with the dual swords and him the spear.
the last time kim yong coach was also deciding whether i should learn carpet-style fist. (di tang quan). it's a routine that comprises flips
i'm quite fine with both, but i think i'd take the carpet-style to the sparring.

after training, we went to eat. i realised i don't have enough food money and raymond (or was it yuan qing..? shit o.o) lent me the thirty cents i needed. haha thanks ray(or yuan qing)! :D got me some fried rice.

on the way back, i discussed with jian siong about DCP things (the course i'm taking up in poly).. and then the conversation went to our O level results.. lul ._.

right before i went home, i practised some tornado kicks and its prerequisites, with using my previous and wrong set-up. cos i'm more fluent with it.. or so i feel.
wanted to right-legged hop up to my apartment but gave up halfway as my legs were really trembling

haha ok talked too much

good night!

PS: I GOT AN AWESOMEAWESOMESUPERMEGAAWESOMLICIOUSBOMBASTICELASTICBERZILLIONGILLIONAWESOME RAZER OROCHI NOTEBOOK GAMING MOUSE!!!!!!
its feet slide like butter on most surfaces
it's sensitivity is so awesome my cursor moves from the vibration from my fan that's passed to my desk of course
it has seven buttons, your basic three and four side buttons that's programmable to keyboard functions
it has wireless and wired mode
wireless is by bluetooth
it fits my grip style like a glove
it's black with blue lights, like my phone and laptop
hence it's the sexiest mouse evaahhhhhhh
it's awesome
awesome
awesome
awesome
awesome
a
w
e
s
o
m
e
A
W
E
S
O
M
E
!

good night for real.